as i look back at countless crossroads and the middle where i stay, right up the beaten path boredom where the fakest fucks get laid. by the faux-finest fines, it’s been that way, god damn you, how you stay, with every scummy, crummy hour of the scummy, crummy day.
after trying and failing to put words into a sentence she could say out loud, she just sighs and twirls a lock of hair around her finger. looking defeated.
“ … i suppose so. you certainly seem adamant about keeping me around, at least. ”
why ?
who would actually want this ?
how can you even be this sincere all the time ? isn’t it exhausting ?
so much was going through soyo’s head, all the while she just sat there in silence as tomori looked her dead in the eye.
…
“ Soyo-chan… please, don't say that. You're important to our band, no one could take your place, only you understand us… we're lost, but we're together. Please, don't leave us again—this is the version of Soyo we want. ”
She took the bassist's hand in both of hers
there’s that word. irreplaceable.
for some reason, it just doesn’t sit right with her. as if the concept is incompatible with her reality.
“ for how long ? it just feels like i’m on the cusp of drifting away. i know there’s someone out there that’s just a better version of me.
“ What… I did? ”
Tomori looked even more confused now. Her reddish eyes stayed on her, hesitant, as if trying to understand.
“ Soyo-chan… you're part of our band, you're irreplaceable and… you're special to me. ”
her eyes reflexively went the other way. she is really not good at hiding when something is bothering her.
“ … you know, i’m always thinking about what you did the day. that really should have felt like the day i knew i ‘found someplace i belonged.’ ”
Tomori sat down beside her, placing her hands on her own knees as she looked at her.
“ Uhm... are you sure? You can tell me if you want, I'm listening. ”
i’ve always felt like i was replaceable.
like if i disappeared, people wouldn’t really notice or care. their lives would simply readjust, and so would mine. it would be easy.
i guess they proved me wrong, huh ? how do i even feel about that.