Coal 🪨

here for when my friends don’t reply in the group chat

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

Off to go see Superman

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

The conjunction haven’t shouldn’t have an E in it.

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

My special talent is being pale in Florida

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

Weirdest flirty comment you’ve gotten?

Mine was that I have nice veins

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

Was feeling fit

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

It’s a Zynding machine

[Short Squeez @shortsqueeznews]

BREAKING: Palantir is stocking its offices up with nicotine pouch vending machines, replacing Kombucha on tap as the latest Silicon Valley trend.

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

My apartment has every iteration of laundry possible right now from sitting in the hamper to sitting in the drier to sitting on my couch folded but not put away yet.

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

Can someone just come up with an AI that will make a list of tasks that I have emailed others that have not been replied too?

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

When the world ends, I will be the last person with toothpaste left because I have an aversion to throwing away the toothpaste tube with anything left in it but am too lazy to actually get the toothpaste out. So in the drawer it goes

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

I can’t send tweets to my friends any more because there are only five good ones a day and everyone has already seen them. You all need to step it up.

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

@ThePhillyFag Tbh I just looked and I have one picture with my knees lol

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

Twitter will never see my knees lol

[ᴅᴏᴏᴍᴇɴɪᴄ @dinosaur_info]

when a boy is so skinny his knees are pointy >>>>

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

@myaltfr So true, I have gained like 20 lbs and still look like a skeleton lol

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

@Euan_A_C Agreed

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

I’ve literally never done this does it work?

[just a @F466OT]

50% of flirting with someone is just physically saying their name out loud

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

The problem with all of these shows where there is magic is that you just have a bunch of magicians that can’t do Algebra, Science, or English past an eighth grade level.

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

I really wanted a Oura Ring until I found out you can’t workout with it on.

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

Gotten to the point of fitness where people think I’m catfishing them

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

Do any dentists want to get me the paint on fluoride. I promise I will not poison myself.

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

@spinningturn If the dates were exhausting, they probably are not the ones for you.

[Coal 🪨 @underscoretwink]

Unfortunately it involves not having sex on the first few dates

[ninos @ordinarythnggs]

How does one actually get a boyfriend