Birdsongdinnerquotes

A study in exaggeration

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“…and if it tastes like wet socks, that’s how you know it’s too expensive.”

- Miles, on wine.

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Things said on the drive home:

#reallesbianorphanvibes

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E: Honestly, I’m so ADHD that I’m kinda just counting on the apocalypse to simplify my life choices.

D: So you’re the Marie Kondo of doomsday preppers?

E: Exactly. Everyone else loses their purpose, I find mine.

D: Does it spark joy?

E: It might.

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“When you sit down and think about it, Fanta really tastes like it was invented by Nazis.”

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“You ever seen a shittin’ Koala? This what it looks like!”

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Joke of the year Nom #1

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“I wasn’t built for speed, I was built for mead!”

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“Jacques Cousteau?”

“Yeah, the chef from Ratatouille.”

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“Ok, first of all, Horton was a little bitch.”

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“It needs to be on even terms.”

“It is, Dad can’t fly.”

“For both fighters.”

“It is. Dad can’t fly.”

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“If I get a hold of that long ostrich neck, I can wring that thing like a funnoodle.”

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“Fighting an ostrich is the same as fighting 250 one-pound butters.”

“It’s also the same as fighting 500 half-pound butters.”

“It’s also the same as fighting 125 two-pound butters.”

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“Eldon’s playing coy again.”

“The fish or the pond?”

*Eldon begins flopping and gasping for air*

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“Wait, you think you can kill an ostrich, but not a three foot tall chicken?!”

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“That’s not a domesticated goat! There’s a wide variety of goats within the goat family.”

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“Look, if people can fight bears in a bear-fighting suit, I can fight a goat without one.”