Upper Valley Gunner

Dog person, Vermonter, full-throated Gunner, and half-assed Arsenal tweeter. Occasionally mistaken for Henrikh Mkhitaryan. Salty on FT, chill AF IRL. IFB.

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

An @Arsenal fan walks into a therapist's office. He melts into the couch, dejected.

The therapist asks "What's wrong?"

The Arsenal fan says nothing.

"Aha," says the therapist. "I think I know."

The Arsenal fan looks up.

"You can't shake this feeling of Henry."

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Michael Oliver is on the take.

#MCIARS

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Watching the @Arsenal v Atalanta match and they keep referring to some guy as Jim Shitty and I’m just like “harsh but fair on Kolasinac, that.”

#UCL #Arsenal #Atalanta

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

And now Mosquera gets away with checking Gabriel Jesus’s oil.

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Saka getting a yellow for kicking a ball away and Mosquera getting nothing for clamping Havertz to the ground by the throat. Welcome to Matchday 1.

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Saka getting a yellow for kicking a ball away and Mosquera getting nothing for clamping Havertz to the ground by the throat. Welcome to Matchday 1.

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

I see we’re in the “linked to Rabiot” stage of the transfer window.

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

I take no pleasure in seeing France creep toward any trophy, but an own goal from Vertonghen is inarguably the funniest way for that shit to go down.

(Also Saliba is the best defender in the world and anyone who says otherwise needs a full medical evaluation.)

#EURO2024

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

@xtyna_ Contractor.

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

De Bruyne looked hella offside to me but let’s not bother to check everything is fine

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Thoughtful prediction:

United are fucked.

#MUNARS

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

@grays597 From your fingertips to God’s eyeballs, boss.

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Fuuuuuuck me, now we’re gonna finish second to these assholes on points AND goal difference, aren’t we?

#Arsenal #ManchesterCity #EPL

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

This is not the flex you think it is.

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Nottingham Forest putting up a fight against City. Tough in the tackle, dangerous on the wings, and quick in the transition out of midfield. Deserved a goal for their efforts, but deserved means nothing.

City will look to turn the screw, but everything to play for here.

#NFOMCI

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

@MerlyMerlz @PLCPolice Nope. If we’d lost we’d be on 77 pts to their 63, giving them a chance to finish above us if we lost all 9 of our remaining available points and they won all 15 of their remaining available points to finish one point ahead of us at 78 to 77.

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Happy St. Totteringham’s Day to all who celebrate.

@PLCPolice

#Arsenal #TOTARS

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Fuck me sideways, City ain't droppin' no points for the rest of the season, are they?

#BHAMCI

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

5-0 to the @Arsenal.

Get fucked, @ChelseaFC

Huge statement win heading into the away leg of the North London Derby. Going to be mad.

#ARSCHE

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Fuckin love how our defenders celebrate earning throw-ins and making blocks and preventing corners. Absolute madmen.

Best defense we’ve had since The Invincibles era.

#ARSCHE

[Upper Valley Gunner @UppermostValley]

Getting ridiculous at this point.

Ben White grabs his second goal of the night - albeit accidentally if we’re being intellectually honest - and it’s 5-0 Arsenal.

Madness.

#ARSCHE