rick

my dog’s name is Leo

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“He seems like the type to punch a hole in the wall then eat the drywall”

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you have a boat, I have a throat

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I missed my exit for this

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I knew what a glory hole was in 3rd grade

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solar salesman are the new Jehovah’s Witnesses

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it’s always “what’s up”, never “how’s up?”

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just tried pulling over for a turtle in the middle of the road but it was a bag of trash

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nothing like trapping someone w an allergy in recycled air w their allergen

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if peanut allergy is such a big deal why do we serve peanuts on planes

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it’s always “where’s Waldo?”, never “how’s Waldo?”

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you know who wasn’t at Diddy’s party?

Jimmy Buffett

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You mean to tell me…. K-pop isn’t Christian music???

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Martin Luther King(s) Inn

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@SStricklandMMA dude I wasted $80 to watch you get your ass handed to you

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Need this but for my cowlicks

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you mean to tell me Mark Twain is Shania’s dad

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don’t eat a croissant with lip gloss on

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Jk aunt Joan was a saint

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My dead aunt just sent me a friend request on FB

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I can’t believe they have Facebook in hell