Rupee at 97
Heatwave across India
Papers getting leaked
Severe unemployment
Economy in shambles
Slowdown breaking the back of people
Per Capita Income down the drain
Meanwhile the man responsible :
How to Stay Unemployed in 2026:
- Wake up at 11 AM and say “market is bad” before even opening LinkedIn.
- Apply to 2 jobs in a week and expect HR to fight over you.
- Keep watching “Day in the Life of Google Engineer” videos instead of learning skills.
- Write “Open to Work” but never open your laptop.
- Spend 6 hours choosing a portfolio font and 0 hours building projects.
- Learn 0.5% of React, then tweet “MERN Stack Developer”.
- Ignore DSA, ignore communication skills, ignore internships… then blame college placement.
- Keep saying “AI will take all jobs anyway” while AI is actually helping others get jobs faster.
- Copy projects from YouTube and pray interviewer never asks questions.
- Ask salary first, role later.
- Make resume with 5 pages, 20 skill bars, and 0 real experience.
- Post “grind never stops” and then sleep the whole afternoon.
- Wait for motivation instead of building discipline.
- Say “startup culture is toxic” after getting rejected from one internship.
- Spend more time on Tech Twitter drama than actual coding.
- Learn every new framework for 2 days and master none.
- Keep planning roadmaps instead of following one.
- Call yourself “future billionaire founder” with no product, no users, no code.
- And most importantly:
Never take rejection as feedback.
Take it personally.
Quit silently.
Congratulations.
You have successfully secured unemployment with consistency and dedication.
Modi - Yeh sacrifice karo, woh sacrifice karo, lavda sacrifice karo, lehsun karo.
Abbe bhadwe, tune sacrifice karne kay liye chora kya hain Indians kay paas ...???
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