My next relationship we're having a monthly sit down. Just sit and discuss us, how things are going, what we can do to develop our relationship more. you will be surprised at what just a lil communication can do for any relationship
After giving birth, a woman's internal wounds take six months to heal, 12 months for physical recovery, two years for hormonal balance, and up to five years to rediscover her identity. Relationships frequently fail during this time due to a lack of understanding. Be kind and patient with new mothers; they are facing more challenges than it appears.
If you’re curious what it’s like to be the “big girl” in a friend group, imagine you’re out celebrating your birthday with your friends, and a group of guys are chatting and looking over at your table, it’s loud and obvious they’re talking about someone(s) at your table.
One of the guys then approaches the table and taps your shoulder, he starts asking about you, your name, age, job, etc. Then he asks the golden question, “can I have your phone number?”
You hesitate because this doesn’t happen often. However, your friends hype you up. So you start to give your number, when he turns around and shouts to his friends “you guys owe me $50”
All the guys start laughing. You hear one guy say “I told you fat girls are easy.”
These situations of jokingly asking out big girls or pretending to be interested in them, is sickening. It’s one of the many reasons why I personally did not date until I lost weight.
Someone could have actually been interested in me, but when you’re made fun of and used as a joke so many times, you learn to protect yourself.
To people who do this, you suck. Your parents didn’t raise you well & everyone deserves respect no matter their size.
While I was in China, there was a particular area in my hotel that I always used whenever I needed to pack my goods.
Because of the volume of things I buy, packing is not something I can in one small corner. The hotel staff knew this, so they always gave me a dedicated space where I could spread everything out and arrange my goods properly before shipping.
Whenever we were there packing, some Nigerian men hanging around the hotel would stop by to greet me. They were always surprised. Some of them were curious about my business. Others were surprised that a Nigerian woman was staying in that particular hotel.
According to them, it wasn’t the kind of hotel business people usually stayed in. It was the type of place wealthy people came to relax and enjoy themselves. Business travellers usually stayed elsewhere.
I would always hear “Ah ah, you are hardworking o.”
“How do you even do all this?”
One of the men became a regular visitor whenever he saw me packing. Every time, he would stand there watching me work and shaking his head in admiration. At a point even, he joined the guy that does my packing to do the job.
One day he said, “I pray I marry a woman like you ooh. A hardworking woman. A woman that is serious and doing something with her life.”
I laughed.
Then I told him something, “The truth is that many of you will get the kind of woman you are praying for. You will meet women who are resourceful, hardworking, entrepreneurial and ambitious. The problem is not finding them. The problem is what happens after marriage.”
He looked at me trying to understand me.
I continued.
“A lot of women don’t stop shining because they suddenly became lazy. They stop shining because the environment no longer allows them to shine.”
I told him about women I had known over the years, women who were doing well in business. Women who had thriving makeup brands. Women who had successful tailoring shops. Women who were building something meaningful.
Then marriage came, and little by little, everything started disappearing.
Today it is, “My husband said I shouldn’t go out. Tomorrow it is, “My husband doesn’t like me travelling.” Next week it is, “My husband wants me at home.”
Before long, the business that once had so much potential is nowhere to be found.
I went further to tell him that I have two children in Nigeria. My husband has a full time job but here I am thousands of miles away from home.
I spent one whole month in China. Not once did my husband call me to ask where something was.
He woke up early morning to get them ready for school together with the helps. He cooked. He did school runs and still went about his day.
Not once did he call to complain that the house was falling apart. Not once did he make me feel guilty for travelling.
In fact, there were days I was so busy that I didn’t even speak to my family. Yet everything continued to run smoothly. The children were fine. The home was fine.
Life continued normally.
If you marry tomorrow and your wife needs to travel for one month because of her business, can you genuinely support her? Can you take responsibility without resentment? Can you hold things down at home without making her feel like she has committed a crime by pursuing her goals?”
He immediately said yes.
He said he would support her and make sure she had everything she needed to succeed.
I smiled and told him I hoped so.
Because the truth is that many men admire successful, confidence, intelligence and result driven women.
But when it is time to make the sacrifices that allow that woman to remain successful, many disappear.
Everybody wants the fruit.
Very few people are willing to help water the tree.
A woman does not stop being a wife because she has dreams and a husband does not become less of a man because he supports his wife’s dreams.
If you want a woman who is thriving, growing and building something meaningful, then you must also be willing to create room for her to thrive, grow and build.
I sold an old laptop online before moving apartments a few years back.
I wiped it, reset it, and shipped it off thinking everything personal was gone for good. As far as I was concerned, that chapter was closed .
Three days later, I got an email from the buyer with the subject line: “I think you should see this.” At first, I assumed it was a scam.
He attached a photo of a document he had found while running data recovery software on the laptop.
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This generation doesn't know how to build healthy relationships. We end up saying things like "I don't owe anyone anything," but we do owe people something. You owe an apology to those you've offended. You owe gratitude to those who have supported you. And you owe respect to those you've disrespected. Accountability is a personal act of integrity and moral principles. We will continue to live in a broken society until we learn to take responsibility for our actions that negatively impact others.
I want my man to be able to enjoy his life and still be faithful. Go out and have fun with your friends. Just respect me in my absence. That's all I ask.
Fun fact I just learned: the term "narcissistic" comes from the narcissus flower because when you place it in a vase with other flowers, the others slowly die.
And honestly, that's exactly how narcissistic people move through life. At first, they seem charming, confident, loving, even irresistible. They know how to make people feel special in the beginning. But over time, the people around them start losing pieces of themselves. Their peace disappears. Their confidence fades. Their happiness slowly drains without them even realizing it.
A narcissist can walk into someone's life and slowly make them question their worth, their voice, their feelings, and even their sanity. Not always through screaming or obvious abuse, but through manipulation, selfishness, emotional games, lack of accountability, and making everything about themselves. They expect constant attention, constant validation, and unconditional understanding, while giving very little real love in return.
And just like those flowers in the vase, the people around them often end up emotionally exhausted trying to survive in an environment where only one person is allowed to shine.
The scary part is, narcissists don't always destroy people loudly. Sometimes they do it quietly. Slowly. Little by little. Until one day you wake up and barely recognize yourself anymore.
So if you've ever had to walk away from someone who constantly drained your energy, dismissed your feelings, manipulated your emotions, or made you feel small just so they could feel important, don't ignore that experience. Protect your peace before you lose yourself trying to save someone who never cared about protecting you.