goldie yawn

sometimes my arms bend back

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

I just think it’s so fucking gross that men are legally allowed to wear flip flops.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Imagine being a man that wears a beanie in 76 degree weather. Disgusting.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

“I love getting tattooed”- guy with 2 line tattoos

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

My girlfriend just said “normalize dating women with children”

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Client is unloading about her husband cheating and I’m just waiting to ask if I can have some of my coworkers chocolate in the back room…

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

When girls are strong I just assume they are gay. Like I’ll be on a fitness girls exercise routine and I’m like she’s so strong! Gay! Then I see her husband and it really throws me off. And also I’m gay and I’m weak so idk what’s my glitch?!

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Sometimes when I buy my mom expensive things I think of it as an investment in my future. Like when she dies. And when I say expensive things I mean very specifically vintage Christmas decor. I just thought “I’ll enjoy this in my retirement” so… idk.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Closed on a house today, wore slacks to the coffee shop and their cute vintage on wheels wooden chairs aren’t suitable. I just slid off the chair and onto the ground. Like, ok- consider me humbled.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

@cool_ass_honky Oh my god. I know this feeling so well.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Swirly whirley bullshit- something our realtor just said.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Went to SF and got a serious scrub down at imperial spa, after the scrub she poured warm milk and oil on my body and I literally kept thinking, I feel like my skin is dolphin skin. I will never be that soft again.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Im in my small curd era. Eating hella cottage cheese.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

And I hear my son go “ oh no. I feel bad!!” And Liz says “probably shouldn’t have tried to bring an ice cream cake…”

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

My girlfriend got me an ice cream cake and we just drove 5 hours to the middle of fucking nowhere with it in the cooler and an icepack. I’m hiding in the bathroom while they light the candles.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Getting to the shared bathroom right before someone else and telling them I’ll be really quick then taking what I like to call a surprise shit. Bye.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Afternoon hahas

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Try eating a gluten free cookie in the bathtub. Pretend the inevitable thousands of crumbs are Epsom salts.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Just called eating ice cream a time sensitive mission

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

This new Miley Cyrus song fucking slaps

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Not to be a baby but…. Like…to be a baby? Ya know.

[goldie yawn @van_gaylen]

Me asking Liz how she’s feeling with covid “I don’t feel like I’m going to die, except that I can’t cuddle you…”