(van)doorne 🔞

tired of all this shit

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

briefly surfacing to say that this is my holiday love meme thread, if anyone wants to tell me anything ;;

https://t.co/FeOcfGQstx

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

tbh idk if i can even write or do fandom any more. in 2022 i was:
- plagiarised (at least) 3 times
- essentially told to fuck off from fandom by my "friends"
- betrayed by my "close friends" just for clout
- given shit by people who shit on my work all over

i'm exhausted

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

@enpleurait yeah lol they liked my tweet about the fic too, so i clicked through and had a look at who it was and lol all those tweets i'm 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

thanks for the super entitled reply on tumblr too btw, sorry the fic turned out to be so disappointing that you bothered to bug me about it and tweet about it but couldn't be bothered to comment (:

[Luca Lee 🥕🍗 @_LucaLee]

AHHHHHH the fic I was eyeing that was in an unrevealed collection is now public!!!! 🎉 Along with several other fics in the same series I think because I don’t remember seeing them before!! (I definitely would’ve at least clicked on the fake dating one if not the others.)

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

@enpleurait @yonireads ty isa and noct i'm orz 2022 has really. been crap irl and like. fandom piling on more crap is just. it's like lol don't i get tortured enough can't i just have one nice thing for myself but like no. none for me after all bc i just ruin everything i touch 💀

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

it's been such a long time but i'm still so bitter about how all this shit turned out? lol fuck i just can't seem to ~enjoy myself in fandom (making friends, being around people, writing fic and drawing and interacting w others) without running into the same shit over and over?

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

since my entire body of muzhuo works are mostly not your cup of tea i hope you're happy that it's back to just two sad pages of english muzhuo fic now (:

[Luca Lee 🥕🍗 @_LucaLee]

Hold on hold on I need a moment. This author's entire body of MuZhuo works is completely new to me. Many of them aren't my cup of tea but my god they are singlehandedly responsible for a whole page of the three sad pages of English MuZhuo fic on AO3. Truly an MVP.

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

lol it's like not ~personal ig but every time i stumble upon a 'wow can't believe this author wrote all this fic for my otp but it's mostly all not my thing at all!' sort of tweet about me i just want to delete everything i've written and delete myself immediately afterwards 🙃

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

i've clearly overstayed my welcome, no one needs me around anyway and people really can't wait for me to fuck off and get rid of me. like lmao they're obvious af about how eager they are for me to get the hell out i'm 💀 why bother staying in a place where all i'll get is misery?

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

on one hand it's like, why the fuck should i fuck off bc i did nothing wrong, the pieces of shit who plagiarised me and the people who treated me like crap can fuck right off instead and i should just be able to do whatever the hell i want? but on the other hand lmao it's like.

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

@altonwongz i've just been. not around on social media and ignoring things? i haven't exactly been writing fic or doing stuff i used to like and now it's like. coming back to twitter and seeing things on my timeline and. not writing? just makes me feel like i won't be able to write again /:

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

back on my shit again i just spent the last couple of weeks feeling untalented and worthless and everything i do is just crap so yay!! feels like i can't even do anything and i'm just so detached from everything and nothing sparks joy any more. perhaps it's time to disappear!!!

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

@iancychan ah thanks!!

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

got the stuff for ak's official fc today!! also got the mirrorweart artbooks and the super gorgeous elevator + mirror set ;;

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

@altonwongz ah no i didn't!

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

in the end. i signed up for both ak and alton's official fc i'm orz

[(van)doorne 🔞 @vandoornewrites]

@hime_yny ahh yeah ;; hopefully one day you'll be able to see them and be able to get their goods too!!!! ;;