Jvawd

Designated for thoughts you wouldn’t want to actually share.

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

@reddiwhip Have you heard of whipped ranch? Time to start manufacturing that ReddiRanch!

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

I will never risk it for the biscuit. But I will always risk it for the brisket. #riskitforthebrisket

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

Snapchat is the weirdest thing. I can see people’s locations that I met once at a party 8 years ago.

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

@Oreo You have outdone yourselves. I just tried my first gluten-free Oreo (which was my first Oreo in years) and could not be happier. Thank you for making my life complete!

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

@Oreo, we need to talk. I love you, but my stomach is in knots when you’re around. In our time together, you’ve caused me countless aches and pains. It’s time to make a Gluten Free Oreo because no other chocolate sandwich cookie could make me happier.
#FlareForYou #GlutenFreeOreo

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

Why is putting a dog to sleep so sad, but putting a baby to sleep is totally normal?

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

If you play Chess in Australia and get a checkmate, do you have to clarify by saying, “Checkmate, mate” so people don’t think you’re just saying “Check, mate”? #Chess

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

So done with 2020 that I celebrated 2021 six months early. #Julyuary

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

This is how I feel about people on social media recently. The attempts look like this: #EverybodyKnowsNobodyCares

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

Why aren’t short horror stories called Shorrort Stories? #ShorrortStories #askingforafriend

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

@IKEAUK Sorry, I am having a really hard time following the directions. Can we get rid of the words, please?

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

Ironic that in the year 2020, we didn’t see this coming. #coronavirus #earthquake #earthquakeutah

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

Is it just me or does @IamLaceyChabert inherit more properties than most?

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

I’m pretty sure I have food sensitivities now because I never prayed for the donuts and ice cream to nourish and strengthen my body. #Prayer

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

I carved a potato that accidentally looks like @Drake

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

@nbcsnl @halsey Please do a sketch where Kylo uses the force to pop into Rey’s life every time she’s on a date with someone else. Kylo the creepy, clingy ex.

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

Why don’t you have a show called Drug Mom, @MTV? I can find you many candidates.

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

Friends: “Happy Birthday”

Me: “Thanks! You, too!”

Friends: “...”

Me: *Wonders how I have survived thus far in life*
#birthdaywishes #birthdaygirl

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

I told myself I didn’t need a shopping cart today at Costco. So if you notice my muscular arms tomorrow, don’t be alarmed. #Costco

[Jvawd @vawdthoughts]

Oh, you think you’re brave? I just went to Costco on a Saturday. #Costco