breaking: wackadoodle piece finally finds loving home with brilliant mag edited by author's favorite contemporary author
this is the highest achievement of my writing career thank you so much
i need a raise and a decent apartment and a big burrito and a joint and a hug from an old friend who moved far away and 12 hours of genuine solitude and a set of veneers and 2 new pairs of work pants and a rice cooker and a band aid and none of it needs to happen in that order
in the name of journalism i politely asked the grackle sitting on the highest branch in the work parking lot screaming his head off "hey man, what are you hootin and hollerin for?" and he said [heinous cardboard scraping on cardboard sound x5]
i have had such a good day. read in a hammock and looked for birds and then drank a lot of beers and went swimming in a river and ate so much pasta salad. im a blessed man.
running outside to find cell service to google one more time how to pronounce chuck palahniuks name before your girlfriends smart learned brother notices the book youre reading at the cabin and asks you about it
lately life does feel a lot like everybody else is pissing in the pool around me and then laughing at me for not pissing in the pool too. i think they call this "maturing" but when i am alone i fancy calling it virgil's lustrum of no piss
young male friendships are crazy there's this one really quiet guy i work with and we found out we're a) born a week apart and b) both really into one piece and now he's suddenly like overnight my best buddy and he shows affection by chasing me around with hammers
we have kind of an unspoken Wall of Fame at work for ways customers describe us to our coworkers on the phone such as "big white girl," "small latino," "old gay guy," etc
and i finally got one today
and it was "he was like a short white dude with big glasses and a chain wallet"
the best dinner is a bowl of leftover veggie chili with some fritos followed by a square or two of high quality dark chocolate that's like 10/10 grub right there that's the shit that makes me wanna keep goin
i died while playing fortnite with my gay guy friend and he told me to call him big mama if i wanted to get my loot back and when he gave it back he said "ok now say thank you big mama" and i did and he said "big mama loves her big growing boy" and it gave me a boner
I have started predator avoidance training with Ajax this week since he is now officially in his fledgling era.
I downloaded the audio of a wild magpie alarm call and I play it when my cat enters the room. Ajax responds very well, immediately hiding or hopping onto my shoulder. Weโve done this drill four times over a few days, including in the garden. Full marks each time.
Iโll keep doing this, and after enough practice heโll understand that the cat is the danger heโs being alerted to. This is the same way his parents would teach him in the wild. He has no instinctive fear of cats.
The cat avoidance training is easier because I have a cat, but repeating this process with dogs, hawks, and cars will take a bit of planning. Really makes you appreciate all the hard work that wild bird parents put in to the next generation.