vei

mh vent. minors dni

[vei @veinzzs]

theres only one time before where i slit deep in like probably less than 5 mins because i was in hospital (temporarily) and had a massive fight w my gf at the time n i had managed to sneak a blade in so that was my first and only time relapsing in hospital

[vei @veinzzs]

i feel like a pussy anyway caus i multi swipe and it takes me like depending on the mood but anywhere between 30 mins to like over an hour but its also me trying to be careful to watch what im doing n not hit anything

[vei @veinzzs]

idk if it usally hurts this bad mahbe im just not as numb idontknow but i hayethis as muchss i lvoeit i also hate it but i hate it because no matter what i do no body listend nobody sees my sturggling and its frustrating

[vei @veinzzs]

@myteethrots i just had my last one get infected and had to go to the plastic surgery clinic to get it stitched up tho usually thry just do it in the general hospital and send me home. i live in the uk so idk my experience of going to a&e w sh is just shit because they dont take it srsly

[vei @veinzzs]

the cut just doesnt look as deep or wide or long as i want it i feel relief but it doesnt look how i want it

[vei @veinzzs]

@myteethrots thank you im just contemplating whether to go to hospital ornot lol but auhhhh

[vei @veinzzs]

its not even as bad as before why am i vtying

[vei @veinzzs]

it stingsalpt it rlly hurts

[vei @veinzzs]

its frustrating me i can't keep going idk if its like small nerves in my arm or something but ughhh i wanna keep going but its sore n the blood has clotted up and also i dont wanna re open whatever splurted out

[vei @veinzzs]

hospital pisses me off but idk it needs stitching but i also hate waiting at hospital and no body is home but its stinging alot but idk its just so much harder cutting over old scars

[vei @veinzzs]

this one hurt

[vei @veinzzs]

another post deleted 🥲

[vei @veinzzs]

im just really loosing my patience i dont want to feel this anymore i dont know why i let myself keep suffering and dont just make this all stop

[vei @veinzzs]

they took down my post AGAIN oh my god

[vei @veinzzs]

i hope i get under 50kg by november

[vei @veinzzs]

one thats still healing had 4 stitches and steri strips tho i took them off after a few days and the cross one wasnt even stitched but it just shrunk that much 🥲shrinkage is SO BAD i dont even think i can post the cut but that area has been reopened alot

[vei @veinzzs]

i feel more calm rn but idk it just feels unsettling in a way just being reminded of how this time of the year felt every year prior. n idk im sitting with this discomfort but its slowly getting to me again

[vei @veinzzs]

@reyleft having scars is a love hate relationship honestly caus i personally love the way they look but its the negative judgement and stares from others which makes it hard 🥲 esp going into a career where i will face alot of criticism for it