5ft: you and I need to talk….
Me: uh ok…
5ft: how much did you feed the kitties while I was out of the country?
Me: ummm… regular amounts….i guess
5ft: lier… I shitter robot tracks their weight and they both went up almost 1/2 pound..
Me: now wait a minute I only fed them 3-4 times a day and only gave them one chicken treat each time..
5ft: bingo… I feed them twice a day and they get ONE SMALL treat per day…..I left instructions…
Me: hey I am a man I don’t follow instructions… do we need to revisit the canned beans adventure again?
5ft: I’m not mad but I did get a chuckle out of the monthly Your Cat Health report that clearly shows them porking out while you were here…and I’d like to mention I didn’t have to clean the house at all when I got back…..nicely done you big softy..
Me: whew….
5ft: I wondered why they were on you like fly paper when you visited… trying to con you into feeding them again I suspect.
Me: yep, mystery solved… so anyway…
5ft: wait a sec… did you feed them last week when you visited?
Me: don’t recall, so I am thinking our next business review we can stay here…
5ft: OMG…you sucker… I fed them BEFORE you arrived..
Me:
After 97 hours of open heart surgery whilst fighting and army of little people,
I managed to correctly install a 3 way motion sensor with xylitol.
I pledge on my sacred honor to track down the engineer that wrote the instructions and give him but a wedgie and a wet Willy.
But it does work….finally… so no more accidentally leaving the laundry/mud room/torture chamber lights on again.
Instructions said “installs in as little as 15 minutes”
10:36am 5ft: Son of <redacted> you <redacted>
<redacted> you buddy…<dial tone>
5:35pm 5ft: you know it’s a joy to work with you especially when you get your wizard on and solve big problems…. Oh and sorry for flipping out earlier
<sends picture of her in her yoga outfit>
Classic case when you put two type A personalities together who are incredibly stubborn…
Word to the wise, leave us alone when we fight, otherwise we will turn our guns on you