Jackson Venture

Agent to the stars. Representing @comedysam Freddy Krueger and Gay Busey. If you’re talented or a hot piece of ass DM me... unless I got there first HA!

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

If you want diversity at the oscars, then hire this diverse talent!! #OscarsSoWhite

Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences: Sam White to host Oscars 2019 - Sign the Petition! https://t.co/9cikKWkgTS via @UKChange

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

Cancel culture has got out of cuntrol!! A man has a right to get his tongue sucked . There ain’t a bar in LA I ain’t banned from for asking to have my tongue sucked. Feel your pain. PS you still owe me £15!!

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

#FeedbackFriday Time!! DO NOT… I repeat. DO NOT use a bagel as a flesh light. Did this once in NYC Baby. Bread was stale and had to cut myself out with a bread knife!! I won’t tell you how it ended but the ladies often think I’m Jewish!!

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

This Sue Gay Report is dodgier than my snakeskin condoms! She once investigated me for embezzlement when I ran for Mayor of Coventry. I bought her a pornstar martini and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I was found guilty. Make of that what you will! #PoliticalVenture

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

My Twitter ban has finally been lifted!
#CancelCulture totally out of control.
PRIVATELY messaging dick pics is not a crime!! It’s between me and the broad I sent it to, not you Twitter!

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

Congratulations!! You got the part!

[Sophie Anderson @SophieASlut]

OMG I’ll do anything for DICK 😂😂😂

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

Really talunted group of guys that you should check out! Can you explain the ending again tho? Why would you reject anyone who casts you!!? #YouScratchMyBack

[Wet Paint Productions @WetPaintProd]

We’re very pleased to announce that we have been officially selected as part of @HollywoodVerge!

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

Very true!! I was off dating apps for a year thanks to @hinge. The only reason I’ve re-downloaded it is cause I’m getting divorced.

[freddie ransome @Ransome_Note]

Me: “this is the year I’m getting off dating apps.”
*goes crawling back*
Thankfully, @Hinge is for anyone who wants to get OFF of dating apps because they foster authentic connections that usually lead to successful first dates. #hinge #partner #ad

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

I am FED UP of almost all insults I hear being a derogatory word for penis! That’s why I’m starting my own men’s health charity called ‘Dick Is A Person Too’. Unlike other corrupt charities... the money is paid directly to my bank account, so I decide where the money goes! #DIAPT

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

@rchartdept I don’t mean to patronise you darling, but I ain’t Asian!! Scarlett is a Chlamydian. She can play anything!

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

Fun fact!! The original version I pitched had Scarlett Johansson playing all the characters, just like The Nutty Professor. #MissedOpportunity

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

Ha ha no I always do castings at this sort of time! Office is closed, but come round mine and we’ll run through the script... and a bottle of wine? Xx

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

You still up? x

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

Warner Bros turned down my pitch for “Super Venture: The Life and Times of an All-Star Hollywood Agent”. As a negotiation tactic I refused to leave the office. Thanks to my pocket lube I was able to slide around the air vent undetected for 6 hours!! Now selling the CCTV footage.

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

Woah this is total bitch funk! Apparently the bartender last night was “just being nice” when she gave me that free drink. I know your game!! Wife number 9?

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

She didn’t break my heart, okay? I’m the heartbreaker. I split ‘em in two like a LumberJackson!!

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

@EmmzP1 Fantastic!! I run a pretty casual operation, so don’t really have an office these days. Shall we say 3am at my place?

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

All seven of my ex wives have restraining orders on me, so I can only tell you on here. I got the clap. Get yourself checked whores!!

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

Taxi wouldn’t let me back in, as my ass had sweated all over the seats. Walked home and got jumped by a gang, stealing the Ket and leaving me naked. Prince saw the whole thing and took me in. He wrote ‘When Doves Cry’ that night. Yet another mark on history by yours truly!!

[Jackson Venture @VentureJackson]

Just in case you’re wondering why I wasn’t there. I got banned from the #MetGala in 1984. Apparently stapling 2,000 gram bags of Ketamine to my naked olive skinned body did not fit the theme “Man and the Horse”.