Alex

life as I endure it

[Alex @verghesaurus]

Anu* passed away on Friday morning, she passed away under circumstances that could’ve been avoided if we’d have been able to afford timely treatment. An abusive ex-husband and a long custody battle for her child was the reason we could never reveal her identity publicly. She put her child before her own safety. We could’ve maybe done a Ketto or Milaap fundraiser, and we did but it had to be pulled down thanks to her ex husband. She fought hard, and she fought with a lot of pain despite it all. Some of you helped, shared, supported and amplified her cause and for that I’m eternally grateful.

I was fortunate enough to have known her as my best friend for over 11 years, we worked together, we shared our joys and sorrows and a whole lot of midnight McDonalds burgers. And I will think of her for every day I’ve left on this earth.

She was the only earning member of her family. Her child is left in the custody of her grandmother. We’re trying to a raise a little bit of money for the two of them. For them to survive until they’re able to get back on their feet, process this devastating loss and make sense of how they can continue to live. No 4 year old should have to live with this. If you can contribute in any way you can do so with the bank and UPI information provided below.

Thank you.

[Alex @verghesaurus]

Says the bro man who made me eat masala papad.

[Vishank @WineNWhine_]

If I cook for you, it has nothing to do with you.

It’s because I love cooking & feel my taste in food is superior than yours.

Also, I love feeding people.

[Alex @verghesaurus]

My best friend who was battling aggressive leukaemia that later spread to the bones, chose to take her own life two weeks ago. Her reasons were because she could no longer afford pain management drugs, and couldn’t bear to let her child watch her suffer.

She was a single parent. Cancer is a debt trap for people who don’t have economic capital in this country. Her child now lives with the grandmother.

When someone dies by suicide, they do it because they feel invalid as a person, unable to face the ones they love. But it also takes a toll on us, the people they leave behind.

After all the hospital bills and other expenses we’re doing to zero money for the sake of the child. We don’t wish to make the identity of them public because of the taboo of suicide. At some point in the last two weeks I realized people were more comfortable saying “she killed herself” instead of saying she died by suicide or actually addressing the maddening battle she had with cancer.

If you’d like to help this child and the grandmother financially I’m linking the account details below. I’m hoping the mods won’t take it down.

**Account Holder: ALEX GEORGE VERGHESE**
**Account Number: 50100541612730**
**IFSC: HDFC0004367**
**Branch: HRBR LAYOUT BENGALURU**
**MMID: 9240522**
**Account Type: Savings Account**

**UPI: alexgeorgevwork@okhdfcbank**

[Alex @verghesaurus]

TW: September is suicide prevention month.

I first tried to kill myself when I was fourteen years old. A toxic relationship pushed me to the edge thrice, and then there were a few more attempts at different stages. When you wake up on most mornings and sigh, you cannot describe that feeling of despair. I hate blood, so I have never cut myself, but I have always misused my prescription with alcohol. I have never been seen as a person by the ones I loved the most. I have been the black sheep, I have been the sensitive soft boy, and what not. I do not think my suicidal tendencies will ever really leave me. They come and go on most days.

Over the last year and a half doing this fundraiser, the amount of things people would say behind my back is staggering. They get into WhatsApp groups, say the most despicable things, and then pretend like they are my biggest cheerleaders. Which makes you wonder if cheering was actually invented by the Pied Piper, a man famous for leading an entire community’s children directly off a cliff or into a cave, much like modern community organisers.

Is my existence really that important? Certainly not. But do I want to live in peace and be taken seriously as a man who just lost his best friend? That is not an option offered to me either.

I am tired, but I also have a bunch of things left to do.
Last week, a friends friend spoke to me in a tone that nobody has the right to use. I do not live under this person’s mercy. The better part is that she has first-hand experience dealing with bipolar disorder, but sadly, that sensibility and sensitivity were not extended to me. Perhaps she said the right things in the wrong ways. Sympathy is a very convenient act. Human communication was clearly a mistake, which is why ancient cavemen simply pointed at mammoths and then died of an infected knee at twenty-two.

Someday you will probably hear that I was found dead somewhere, and I hope none of you even come close enough to peck me on the forehead one last time.

Let us try and soldier on, shall we, cave or ocean I’m the pied piper here on..

@verghesaurus is me on instagram

[Alex @verghesaurus]

Managed to raise zero today. How and where do I go to take things forward?

[Alex @verghesaurus]

My friend Z took her life, because she could no longer afford pain management meds or live to see her daughter watch her suffer. This month is suicide prevention month. Most often people who are close to those who die by suicide find themselves unwillingly in a dungeon. I urge you to spare a little kindness for her. At 4 she’s gone through a lot. Help me ensure her future isn’t dictated by the traumas of her first four years. Please spread the word if you can’t donate someone else might :) sympathy is nice. Empathy is a virtue and kindness is an action.

[Alex @verghesaurus]

@WineNWhine_ I can send you an invite to join my family.

[Alex @verghesaurus]

@alwaysajay1013 Thanks da :)

[Alex @verghesaurus]

@DivyaMangotra Such a good book!

[Alex @verghesaurus]

@linaishum_ I’m very very sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend a little over a week ago. Grief is going to be tricky process, hang in there.

[Schiffskapitän @damn_barbarian]

A Royal Enfield Taurus. Diesel On two wheels. One of the rarest factory-built motorcycles you could find today.

[Alex @verghesaurus]

Savarna men bully women, DBA men and women, queers. Savarna women bully other women, DBA men and women, queers. All savarnas are the same.

[Alex @verghesaurus]

Gahhh can PVR pull out that cringe peps mattress ad. That honeymoon storyline is so regressively cringe. I miss my Vicco ads. Won’t lie maybe I hate the ad 10x because of the person trying to act in it.

[Alex @verghesaurus]

Recently came across an up and coming singer whom went above and beyond to ensure the fundraiser reaches the audience. She also sent me flowers on the day my best friend passed away. Akka on the other hand tried to malign my reputation, doxx personal information of a dying woman and my sexual abuse. Who is the real feminist? Someone who sits on a comfortable arm chair and screams at illiterates all day long, or a human who shows kindness in action? I’m still emotionally very very distraught after that casteist savarna woman bullied me.

[Alex @verghesaurus]

To coverup something else, we’ve to always unearth something else.

[Mohammed Zubair @zoo_bear]

When the alleged gang rape incident happened on August 4th, Why are News Agencies reporting after 25 days.

[Alex @verghesaurus]

I hate cancer it took away everyone I loved.

[Alex @verghesaurus]

The day the shipment reaches the port.

[Sunainaa @TheSunainaa]

When’s the new iPhone coming out in India?

[Alex @verghesaurus]

@ArcherSheetal 🙏🌸

[Alex @verghesaurus]

Can you buy little M who just lost her mother an ice cream? M lost her mother last Friday and has since had to start figuring out life without a mother and a father. While an ice cream won’t bring back her mother. She’ll know there are people who care for her.

[Anupama Chopra @anupamachopra]

#BethlehemKudumbaUnit is such a delightful age-gap romance - witty, wistful, thorny. Director Girish A.D & actors @NivinOfficial & @_mamithabaiju create magic. Saw it in a hall packed with youngsters who whistled & clapped for Justin & Ashley. Can't recommend it enough!

[Alex @verghesaurus]

@jag_00_ 🙏🌸

[Alex @verghesaurus]

Can you buy little M who just lost her mother an ice cream? M lost her mother last Friday and has since had to start figuring out life without a mother and a father. While an ice cream won’t bring back her mother. She’ll know there are people who care for her.