Cal

Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and MP for poo poo city

[Cal @vernatrozz]

cum

[Cal @vernatrozz]

no smoke without cum

[Cal @vernatrozz]

ordered a garden gnome from temu and they sent me a 1 foot tall eastern european man with a blaccent

[Cal @vernatrozz]

repeated exposure to trampoline static has rendered me infertile

[Cal @vernatrozz]

my son just wet his shein shorts and they fell apart im a bad father

[Cal @vernatrozz]

.@NYCMayor i am fat and repulsive to look at

[Democrats Deliver @DemzDeliver]

🚨 Zohran Mamdani personally fixes a water fountain after a New Yorker tagged him on Instagram.

It was fixed in less than two days.

[Cal @vernatrozz]

my lesbian wiccan daughter trying to cast a spell to stop the beer bottle I hurled at her head

[Cal @vernatrozz]

not coming here again

[Cal @vernatrozz]

politely asked a man on the plane to switch seats so i can sit with his family

[Cal @vernatrozz]

dominos for breakfast at 4:30pm

[Cal @vernatrozz]

ok i’m not doing anything else tonight anyway

[Cal @vernatrozz]

my infant son can’t do any vape tricks yet and it’s pissing me off

[Cal @vernatrozz]

i’ve shot ropes in places you wouldn’t hang yourself with one

[Cal @vernatrozz]

do you think protien wants to be in all these things

[Cal @vernatrozz]

i like that the mailman’s van has no door, i think they should take his shoes too

[Cal @vernatrozz]

dominos have hired me on the spot due to my condition

[Cal @vernatrozz]

check this out dude (I walk down imaginary stairs behind a couch but then there's a real gunshot)

[Cal @vernatrozz]

TWITTER USER: i can't even with twitter
today

BLUESKY USER: i can't even with bluesky today

MOLASSES MAN: watch out, i'm sticky!

[Cal @vernatrozz]

i met two cartel guys in prison who would sit in bed and watch live footage of alien dissections in a warehouse in the Sonoran Desert for 18 hours a day, i kept trying to get the link from them but they would just laugh and say "is not for you gringo"

[Cal @vernatrozz]

hitler is alive and his spirit operates the shipping company evri (formally hermes)

[Cal @vernatrozz]

yeah dude yell and scream at me thats going to make your kid get up faster after getting hit by my car