vertigo | edtwt

edtwt’s least aesthetic account | lowk vent page | bmi:18.2

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

going to attempt recovery when i move home soon but i’m so scared, but i cannot survive thinking and stressing about food literally 24/7 for any longer, i do nothing but plan meals, count cals, walk for hours, run, and stress about not doing enough

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

returned to edtwt to say i surpassed all my goal weights, attempted to increase my cals and maintain and then got really really scared and realised the disorder is in fact disordering and i can’t be ok with anything but losing weight, food now takes up my thoughts 24/7 🤠

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

i think going to try a metab day?? and increase my cals to 1200

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

i’ve been eating 1k calories for two weeks now, getting 10-15k steps every day and running 3x a week, and i have gained weight🫠 i’m genuinely confused i’m tracking so strictly ??

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

this week has been rough, eating under 1200cal every single day and somehow GAINED weight?? i’m tracking every tiny bit of food tho so i know i’m in a deficit i just have to keep going and the number will drop sometime soon 🫠

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

@dietcokelovr25 asda reduced sugar tomato soup 118cal per can!! plus asda does frozen cauliflower rice, own brand low cal ice cream, and 110cal flatbreads (Dina branded)

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

even worse, right when i get back we’re going out clubbing and i so desperately want to be this skinny but i just know it’s not happening and it’s so depressing

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

hit my ugw of an underweight bmi today literally right before i’m away with friends for a few days and then immediately going home w my family for a week and i’m so proud of it but also i know i’m gonna gain at least a kilo while i’m away it’s gonna ruin me

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

like i’ve worked so hard not to binge because i binged so bad last time i was away with my family i just can’t control myself when that much food is around i don’t think i can do it for 2 weeks straight

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

made a massive fucking burrito bowl for dinner, tracked everything i added to the chilli and apparently the whole meal was only 470c ??? it doesn’t sound right but istg i tracked it all 😭

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

current goal weight was 54.5kg, i hit 54.2kg this morning so i’m doing metab tomorrow planned out my meals already and included half a cheesecake for dessert 480c 🤤

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

my new successful method is having ONE sweet treat every evening, not just a chocolate bar like a mousse or portion of ice cream, and managing to not binge and eat just that one thing, and now i’m down below my cgw i’m doing a metab day including big dessert ~1850c total

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

plan is to restrict at ~1300c every day, when i get under my gw i have a metab day or plan a ‘big’ treat meal, restrict again until i’m back down!! hopefully will help me figure out a maintenance number too cos i’m clueless rn and keep the whole diet sustainable long term

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

genuinely focusing on not binge eating random crap in the evenings has sorted so much out, i can eat more cals in the daytime knowing i don’t need to ‘save’ a few hundred just in case i binge

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

lowk think i’ve cracked the whole restriction thing… lost 1.5kg in 9 days and it feels sustainable, not binged once, eating more veg than ever before and not completely fucked up my digestion yet 😁

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

realistically how many cals are in a banana tho cos they seem pretty high cal 😭😭 i used to eat one every day but i’m tracking them as 90 and i just don’t think they’re worth it anymore?? idk i feel like they should be lower cos it’s fruit

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

one week binge free tomorrow i will NOT let them ruin me but i don’t trust myself, current plan is have half of one (85c) and leave the rest for my housemates and hope they eat them asap so i don’t

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

managed to go out for lunch again and still stay within my cals, however i got sent home with 3 cookies which are major binge triggers and all i can think about is that they’re in my room rn and would be so so tasty i am struggling so bad

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

said no to the most delicious looking chocolate cake ever today, someone even offered to share a piece and i still said no, feeling light as a feather

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

just gotta remember that it won’t ruin my deficit if i don’t let it, a big lunch is fine if i plan my other meals around it and it’s thinking that i’ve ruined my deficit (which makes me binge) that ruins it not the meal itself

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

4 days binge free cravings already getting better 😁 trying super hard and i think it’s working !!

[vertigo | edtwt @vertyxyx]

also my sleep schedule has been so much better this week and i’ve been sticking to <1350cals ! going out for lunch twice in the next 3 days tho so i’m prepping myself to handle it well