vetterja

My Uber passenger rating is 4.98

[vetterja @vetterja]

Me @ the beginning of my Uber trip: “hi how are you”

Me @ the end of my Uber trip: “BYE GEORGE CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU AT YOUR WEDDING IN OCTOBER TELL YOUR FIANCÉ I AGREE Y’ALL NEED A DOG”

[vetterja @vetterja]

I would rather let the skin on my feet burn off than tell the nail tech that the pedicure water is too hot

[vetterja @vetterja]

@PocketAmes As a therapist, I go to therapy. Also dating a therapist and we go to couples therapy. No one is immune. Cannot recommend this enough.

[vetterja @vetterja]

Me: literally cannot cook rice because I am incompetent in the kitchen
Also me *watching top chef*: SHE MESSES UP THE MEAT STATION EVERY TIME GET RID OF HER ALSO HOW CAN YOU COMPARE GARNISH WITH STEAK IT MAKES NO SENSE GORDON

[vetterja @vetterja]

The other day I saw a little girl give a blank piece of paper to her mom and say “I made you an invisible picture”. KIDS THESE DAYS ARE TOO POWERFUL WE’RE NOT READY.

[vetterja @vetterja]

@kvettt Welcome to my life. Ask your derm for spironolactone it’s the only thing that helped.

[vetterja @vetterja]

Sean’s Phone: blowing up with texts
Me (assuming he must be cheating on me): “uh who is that”
Sean: “ITS THE RESISTBOT IM TEXTING TRYING TO SAVE THE USPS BECAUSE THE STIMULUS PACKAGE DIDNT INCLIDE FUNDING FOR THE POSTAL SERVICE”

[vetterja @vetterja]

Just a reminder that the current fear over getting sick is a fear that people with chronic illness and compromised immune systems feel all the time.

[vetterja @vetterja]

*BF and I both working from home all day*
Me (every 30 seconds): “SEAN COME HERE QUICK SERIOUSLY”
Sean (runs out of the office):
Me: “look how cute the dog is”

[vetterja @vetterja]

Me first day in Baltimore: ew these sidewalks are gross

Me today in Baltimore (almost 2 years later): drops tissue on the ground, picks it up, uses it anyway

[vetterja @vetterja]

This morning I put a little highlighter on the tip of my nose like the girls on tick tock and I’m confused about why no one at work has commented on it yet

[vetterja @vetterja]

@AnnieRoh Me at 7:15pm: WHY AM I SOBBING OVER PEOPLE IVE NEVER MET COMPETING IN A SPORT IVE NEVER PLAYED

[vetterja @vetterja]

@mikevits @netflix Wait this is cute AF

[vetterja @vetterja]

I love when at 11:57 pm my Apple Watch reminds me “just a brisk 97.6 minute walk would close your rings!”

[vetterja @vetterja]

How cool is it that adulthood is one giant sleepover with your best friend and you never have to ask your mom because the answer is always yes and it doesn’t even matter if it’s a school night.

[vetterja @vetterja]

If you’re having a bad day just know that my grandma gave my cousin a dog toy as her Christmas gift. It has a squeaker and everything. So there’s that. Merry chrystler.

[vetterja @vetterja]

Absolutely no one:

Sean: I can’t be the big spoon because I can’t figure out what to do with my other arm.

[vetterja @vetterja]

Me: wow I’ve spent a lot of money on Christmas presents I need to chill
Me to me: start buying things for yourself now

[vetterja @vetterja]

@_chey11 Can’t imagine where she got that from 💃🏼

[vetterja @vetterja]

Y’all...today one of my coworkers asked another coworker what I like because they picked me for secret Santa and my coworker LITERALLY SAID “she likes drinking water”

[vetterja @vetterja]

Boys are over here callin out girls for having six pairs of black leggings but like my bf has 19 pairs of slightly different versions of white Nike dri-fit socks so let’s be clear they are no better.