Vinny

Yes, I am aware that there is a movie called My Cousin Vinny

[Vinny @vgsoll]

When you wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of your girlfriend eating an apple, but it's actually just her grinding her teeth

[Vinny @vgsoll]

Me: *tries to open kitchen drawer*
The Spatula:

[Vinny @vgsoll]

Me: *on my deathbed, whispering to my family*
"Please, come closer. My time is drawing near."
Family: *gathers around me"
Me: "Jason Castro got robbed" *dies*

[Hong Kong Buffet RI @HongKongBuffet]

All you can eat!!

[Vinny @vgsoll]

It is a little known -- although well established -- medical fact that pooping was invented when Herman L. Poop tried to fart twice at the same time.

[Vinny @vgsoll]

I sincerely hope my new neighbors can see me eating shredded cheese straight out of the bag with my bare fucking hands. It's a dominance thing, really.

[Vinny @vgsoll]

Now, the fact that shorty a certified freak clearly implies the existence of some sort of insitutionalized, standardized body that has authority over what does and does not constitute a freak. In this essay I will

[Vinny @vgsoll]

If you think about it, coffee is really just bean soup

[Vinny @vgsoll]

Which is better? (There is a right answer)

[Vinny @vgsoll]

@G_Sleet Tbh I think it’s more likely that you die on one of the days that you drink an abandoned drink in a public restroom

[Zombieland: Double Tap @Zombieland]

(Double) Tap That. Watch the new trailer for #Zombieland2, in theaters October 18.

[Prout Hockey @prout_hockey]

Woonsocket-Scituate Hockey is in a tough spot. We have 7 skaters and a goalie in dire need for a home for the '19-20 RIIL season. It would be a shame if these 2-Srs, 3-Jrs and 3-Sophs had to sit on the sideline this winter. Please help!! @RIHSScores
@RIIL_sports
@rihsh

[Vinny @vgsoll]

The night—full of fun, laughter, and fireworks—has come to a close. As people shuffle off to their cars, an empty box sits on the side of the driveway
“Fragile: Handle with care” is printed on the side
“Finally,” Drake whispers, reaching for the box “a container for my heart”

[Vinny @vgsoll]

Nobody:
Me, when I do laundry and there are no leftover single socks:

[Vinny @vgsoll]

@AyleeUchka If true, that would be a game changer 🤔

[Vinny @vgsoll]

Shit idk what the bagel button on the toaster does, but I feel obligated to press it every time I toast a bagel

[Vinny @vgsoll]

@AyleeUchka @FactsDevito @DannyDeVito could you verify this please?

[Vinny @vgsoll]

When your car dies you realize a valuable life lesson: sometimes the check engine light isn't just a light

[Vinny @vgsoll]

I'm just saying that I wouldn't be mad if Morgan Freeman was the supreme overlord of the universe

[Vinny @vgsoll]

I gotta say, I like division about half of the time