I am in a WhatsApp group called ‘CUM CUM CUM CUM CUM’ and we mainly talk about food and opera but golly gosh it doesn’t look good when my colleagues see messages come up
Brooklyn Beckham take note - this is how you well and truly fuck the family over. Get your brother arrested on his birthday. Fantastic. You couldn’t make this up.
This morning I thought about which serial killers would favour which apps. Harold Shipman would have loved LinkedIn, Fred and Rose West would have a shared Facebook account on account of Rose’s crippling jealousy! Think Ian Brady would have spurned all apps.
@Telegraph Hi, I’ve been charged £25 for a subscription after cancelling during a trial period. Please can you put me in touch with someone to sort this out?
Have just realised all my Insta stories are being posted to my FB too. Guess my elderly aunts and long-lost cousins are discovering more about me by the day.
I may have to write to Denzel Washington - again - to apologise for the very strange fan mail I sent him in April 2020. As I recall it was three sides of A4, two of which were about the film ‘Flight’. I believe the phrase ‘I would trust you if you were flying a plane,’ was used.