spooky jock

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

@ria_fumo Elitest of the elite

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

I usually hate anime pfp accs but today I made a brief realization that they're beautiful and then went back to looking down on them

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

(listening to childish Gambino on a shitty speaker with my cousin) should we invite Monica to our party bro? Of course not Id rather attend hannuka through our cousin joe. Eat matza and Get Fucked Up on some fuckin merlot. Showing up with an Audrey tatou of the davinci code

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

Driving to Canada and inventing Canadas worst street wear brand called grandiose eternal

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

Sweaty redhead embarks on tortellini adventure in your super market. Your move: explain metaphysics using all the tortellini packages as you put them in your shopping cart. Her move: saying "I'm gonna switch up on you though" and posting a selfie with u captioned "cock tails"

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

@tnickbyrnes4 I miss the Squidward avi

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

Drinking molly water and fighting a kangaroo until its on the ground bleeding and it says in a British accent "my swamp my rules." I say "were not in a swamp" and he says "its not the marsh in a swamp, its the folks in the shop" and a duck dynasty type guy comes out and shoots me

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

spiderman dont shoot the messenger but i heard u are chappell roans girlfriend and put sanctions on japan cause they refused to sell her album after she called anime "white people be like im japanese". (conjures poison apple and widens eyes) this is the apple of incel rights

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

putting abv in my 14 yo son's smoothie and saying "break a leg tonight. the school musical performance will be all over twitter tonight, and theres a high chance the other parents will think ur not a vapid performer and we'll see some memes about how u elevated the character"

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

all the elves in santas workshop this year are protesting hotels by swimming in the hotel pool without being kind to the black people talking about sports, saying things like "oh yeah the giants are probably altered by swimming, you may want to get out of the pool"

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

(abruptly looking at date during movie) the popcorn has gotten me blasted im positive this is laced popcorn. (directing my attention to a guy in front of me) hey fuckface the popcorn has drugs in it. the director of this movie is probably a fuckface too.HEy fuckfaces im not horny

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

step 1: pour chocolate milk into glass
step 2: dont panic
step 3: you might want to start panicking
step 4: its official. youre a filipino waitress who just googled "do marshmallows have to be added to chocolate milk"

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

boner patrol here. ive noticed you havent retracted your current boner. would you consider putting your boner up for sale

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

i just realized why its called swirl. its because the vanilla and chocolate are swirled together. facts

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

me: i can offer the finest of potions but i suggest refridgeration after i cut you up!
one of the weary travelers: begone troll, or i'll have you cursed to have a donkeys labor and a foldable chairs dinoysian etiquette
me: m'lord i have seen my wrongdoing, and i offer you potions

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

asking the manager of mattress firm to see if his 24 year old stepson had any more things to say about being on mushrooms and he says "clyde wouldnt do drugs on the job. hes an integral part of mattress firm." "he told me obama is descended from dragons" "imugis arent dragons"

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

challenging my college professor to explain the bleakness of his divorce in hamburger terms, like is it a big mac, a whopper? and he says its a bacon cheeseburger from chilis and he "isnt making this up"

[Daily Loud @DailyLoud]

Rams WR Davante Adams shows off his purple Taco Bell card, which only he and Kevin Hart have:

“It is unlimited, and I can get $7M worth of Taco Bell today if I wanted.”

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

Listening to Linkin park in the ole miss locker room while kewan lacy squeals "it ain't safe on the block"

[spooky jock @vikingsettler]

Interesting fact about me: I don't have any obligation to eat pig feet