vincent hefter

BLACK OLIVES MATTER - you can't make a salad without 'em (well, not a Greek one, anyway). Last of the LA LA LANDliners...

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Global warming, my arse...

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Tracy-Ann Oberman
Fell in love with a Doberman
So chucked her old mutt in the river.
She watched as it drowned,
That loyal old hound,
And I doubt that I'll EVER forgive 'er!
#TracyAnnOberman #MakeBelieve

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Same old, same old...
-----------------------------
Reshuffle, reshuffle, reshuffle,
It's really just such a kerfuffle...
You're all just the same,
Your speeches are lame,
I'm afraid we've now all had enoughll !
#UKPolitics #Starmer

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Crumbling schools...
----------------------
With schools now going to RAAC and ruin,
It's fair to say there's trouble brewin'...
It's SUCH a mess,
With loads of stress,
Does someone know just WHAT we're doin'?
----------------------
#RAAC #Schools

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

#UKPolitics
-------------
No mandate, charisma or vision,
The object of so much derision...
Just WHO could it be?
(I hope it's not me)
He'll be grateful for such imprecision...
-------------
#TheHouseWhine

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

.......... KING CHARLES III - TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR II ..........

A convincing victory to mark the first anniversary of his reign!
#OneAgainstEleven

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

I shall watch, yet again,
Some repeats of his show...
And I'll raise the odd glass
Whilst the tears gently flow.

------------ RIP ------------

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Michael Parkinson, RIP...
--------------------
For the sake of this verse
I'll be dressed all in khaki
Whilst mourning the loss
Of the wonderful Parky.
-------- o --------
What's now on the telly's
Without him much duller,
So I should be in black
(But it isn't my colour)...

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Bernie Taupin!
See? Giving it up's not that hard, right?
He said so himself, though in his case he was talking about cocaine.
So we really should give it up for Bernie Taupin. For managing to do just that...
#BernieTaupin #EltonJohn

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Small wonder This Morning's 'Queen Bee' HOLLY has become a bit PRICKLY of late. I believe it's called nominative determinism...
#ThisMorning #HollyWilloughby

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Nothing against the French, but Dominic Sandbrook describing the defence of British culture as a CRI DE COEUR is somewhat ironic, is it not?
Well, it made ME laugh...
#DominicSandbrook #MailOnSunday

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Is leaving 10m phone calls unanswered just another way for the HM Revenue & Customs to tax us? I, for one, find it VERY taxing...
#HMRevenueAndCustoms

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

JOBS FOR THE BUOYS - 1) as aids to navigation, 2) can be used as markers...
#PundaySunday

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

A METAL HIP HIP HOORAY to Andy Murray!
Surely the greatest British sportsperson of the modern era?...
#AndyMurray #IndomitableSpirit

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Dishwashers are like lazy husbands: if you want them to work, you have to turn them on...
#MarriedLife

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

Is it 'performance art' when it's the legs, not the eyes, that follow you round the room?...
#PerformanceArt

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

In bed, if it's your husband...
----------------------------------
Guess what - If you want
your dishwasher to work, you
have to turn it on...
----------------------------------
https://t.co/KvqCeHsva5
----------------------------------
#HAIKU

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

THE WRITS - exclusive hotel for the litigious.
GLASTONBERRY - the world's only audible fruit.
SEE[SIC] - bad spel on board...

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

I'm not saying times are hard, but when my newsagent placed a few Daily Mail pages on the scales before asking 'how many?' and I replied '100 grams' worth, please', we both knew I'd seen better days.
Mind you, he did throw in a couple of pages for free, bless him.
#ToughTimes

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

#DonaldTrump
Delusional disorder is a type of serious mental illness. People who have it can't tell what's real from what is imagined. Delusions are the main symptom of delusional disorder. They're unshakable beliefs in something that isn't true or based on reality. Just saying.

[vincent hefter @vincenthefter]

The space bar's open! Mine's a                                pint! Cheers!

#KeyboardJoke