you can love an athlete and still admit when he is wrong. i love oscar piastri but can acknowledge his flaws (he has none) and can hold him accountable for his wrongs (never done anything wrong in his life) and call him out for his actions (which are always correct)
"I question it for hours why I said what I said"
No, you don't. You go on your phone and see how people took it then you decide whether you "meant it" or not because you're a spineless insecure bastard, this still being brought up is enough proof.