Paul Smeenis

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

the IDF when they see a playground

[ye @kanyewest]

ALL OF THE LIGHTS

[Eric Hovagim @EricHovagim]

There’s an 8 ft statue of chairman Mao inside the factory that supplies teslas batteries

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

Remembering during peak covid when my dumbest family members were reposting boomerslop about how we’re being forced to wear masks because they want to turn everybody muslim. That alone makes me trust Dr. Fauci

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

Houston isn’t in there yet

[maybe: k*rk @a_dose_of_wx]

wow i can’t believe it finally happened

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

that’s my QB lying to the police 💙

[Dan Treacy @DanTreacyASN]

Tony Romo told police he was on his way to see “grandma and grandpa” when he was arrested.

Per publicly posted obituaries, all four of his grandparents appear to be deceased.

https://t.co/ue2B2t3Pb7

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

Not being allowed into sit inside Mi Cocina for two weeks SIX YEARS AGO made everyone forget that the observed risk of a myocardial event from having COVID was widely stated like.. a whole year before the vaccines became publicly available. Again, MAGA has goldfish brain

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

Functional alcoholism is still alcoholism

[spoiler @spoilerbull]

Ed Sheeran says Americans call something "alcoholism" that Brits simply call "culture."

"Maybe one or two pints at the end of a workday."

"On a Friday you'll have six pints and a bottle of wine."

"It's not alcoholism to drink every day here."

"It's not like I wake up every morning thinking, 'I need a beer tonight.'"

"You get to the end of the day and your mate says, 'Do you want to go for a beer?'"

"It's just the culture."

Throwback Video | Credit: Theo Von

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

lmao I have done this and can actually continue to do this and people get so mad

[Schmμτż ᛭𝟗᛭ @Schmutz_9R]

Young white men with 135 IQ’s are dying from deaths of despair because they can’t find a job. Meanwhile bitches are cycling through a couple professional jobs per year.

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

lmao we are cooked

[Democrats Deliver @DemzDeliver]

🚨 BREAKING: House passes bill to merge U.S. and Israeli militaries.

Nearly every Democrat voted no.

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

I was also the skinny kid and I can confidently say all of the skinny kids who say this shit have no idea how much they’re actually eating. It might be half of that. “B-but everybody is different!!” yeah but thermodynamics aren’t. Start eating more, bitch

[Ari “Sack Chaser” Gold @AriGoldsBurner]

Just overheard the 120lb twig highschooler in the gym talking about how he’s eaten 7k calories everyday for a year and can’t gain weight

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

the fabled penis inspection day will soon follow

[unusual_whales @unusual_whales]

BREAKING: Department of War's Pete Hegseth has said that soldiers over age 30 to be screened for testosterone deficiency, per the Guardian

[J. J. Ellis @jjellisart]

I said this about AI well over a year ago. Using it to diagnose and fire people with medical conditions so they lose their insurance AND their income is somehow even more heartless and evil than I’d predicted.

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

eating with chopsticks is performative

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

whew, what a relief not having to worry about my paper checks getting lost on their way to Israel

[Complex @Complex]

You can Venmo the US government to help pay down the $39.4 trillion debt 😭

[Doktor Ross Sewage MD @sewage666]

friendly reminder: they never paid the lady who snitched on luigi and she was fired from her job

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

searching CERN on here right now is hilarious because you can watch the “they don’t teach you how to do taxes in school” crowd learn in real time that the days are longer because it’s July

[The Formless Electric Living Zero @Entr0zy]

Considering the fact CERN shut down the large hadron collider until 2030, the following things are gonna happen:
- the rate of time will change. I reckon it'll go back to how it was before COVID. Which means time should actually move slower. So days will be longer. Years too.
Essentially the last 3.5 years of the decade will be normal time.

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

fwiw, from experience I do not recommend eating sushi in Mexico

[nick @hrpfuk]

Mexicans will eat a cows stomach but be afraid of sushi

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

one of my coworkers started taking an antidepressant and he keeps coming to me like I’m his ayahuasca guide. He went outside and threw up all over the place. Welcome, brother

[Paul Smeenis @virtual_keat]

Unironically I think this is how I got outed as a tourist in Edinburgh

[Craig Rodgers @CraigRodgersms]

For my American friends.