When my dad died, I was in such a state of shock that a doctor prescribed Ativan.
I abused it.
I didn’t really understand what “take as needed” meant. I was grieving, barely functioning, and they handed a woman with ADHD a bottle of pills and vague instructions.
“Well, I fucking need it,” I thought, letting another one dissolve on my tongue. “Because if I don’t, I’m wrapping myself in his sweaters just to smell him and crying on the floor.”
I bounced from clinic to clinic until someone finally flagged it and cut me off.
For a brief moment, I felt nothing.
And it was nice.
That’s when I understood the appeal. Not because I wanted to get high. I just wanted the grief to stop.
So when people ask me how addiction happens, I think about that feeling. I think about how seductive relief can be when you’re drowning.
@SystemClapper I was talking to my friend about this last night, I kept having dreams of visiting this same beach town I’ve never been to or seen before, idk if it actually exists or not!
I’ve said this before
We’re all just addicted to the breath work.
I’m still smoking weed but I realized that yrs ago. It’s the deep inhale and exhale that we crave
As you get older you realise that first red flag that you ignored will be the reason you break up 2 years later.
And you will regret not walking away that first time.