Violet Heil

i luv chicken wings

[Violet Heil @vivi_346]

just got in trouble for lounging up front at work. now i’m being punished, have to call and lure patients into making appointments. feeling like a naughty kid at school…. #embarrassed #idonotwannadodis #imsorrydrmikeplsletmegobacktoflossin

[Dusktorn @Dusktorn]

The worst thing about AI is that I can’t get customer service for anything anymore, the only way to reach out to a human for help involves breaking the AI chatbot first like it’s some troll at a bridge you gotta bypass

[Violet Heil @vivi_346]

#justvappedonmyfriendsbaby

[☔ @Whotfismick]

me putting away my $200 in groceries

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

just found out i got excluded from a dinner party because the host said i “acted too nasty with the tajin rims” last time she had me over

[latent angel @latentangelx]

being the naked window neighbor is less of a choice and more of a calling

[7”🕊️ @Braceyoursef]

Sometimes you have to go on walk so you don’t kill yourself.

[ٰ @yesimsvrfer]

forever smiling at dogs when walking past them and not even acknowledging their owner

[stimmy ⚢☭ @stimberbee]

I go garbonzo on her bean until that chick pees

[Amiri King @AmiriKing]

My toddler loves Monsters Inc. especially Mike Wazowski.

Yesterday I was in Walmart and came across this cool t-shirt.

I immediately bought it, put it on in the car, and rushed home to show my toddler.

I hunted her down as soon as I came through the door.

She was sitting on the couch watching Hogi and eating Goldfish crackers.

I said, ‘Libby check out my cool new shirt!��

I was beaming. I just knew she was gonna think my shirt was the coolest shit ever.

She looked at me, looked at my shirt, scoffed, and yelled, ‘GO AWAY!’

Listen.

I don’t think we talk enough about what huge pieces of shit toddlers are.

That’s literally my TV you are watching.
I paid for those Goldfish crackers.
That’s my fucking couch.

I bought this cool t-shirt ONLY because of you.

And this is your response you f#ggot piece of sh!t??

You are wearing a shirt with a turtle on it that says, ‘Turtley Adorable’ you fuck!ng idiot.

You are broke.
Homeless.
Have poor life skills.
You can’t even fucking speak English.

You are basically a Somali immigrant only brighter in complexion and with much less forehead mass.

I’ll wipe my ass with this shirt.

Fuck this shirt.

Bitch nigga.

Your mom is fat.

[mafy @mafyfy25]

Quando vc vai nas notas do seu celular procurar uma senha e acaba achando um textão falando de como se sentia

[UwUTangClan @Executivejeff1]

I'm pushing on pull doors in buildings you've never heard of

[‏ً @ewedunega]

POV: You're watching a movie on a bright day with the window open

[︎︎ s @saeioura]

i love how blasting music and dancing alone in your room can fix so much, club MyRoom where i am both the dj and the only attendee and i’ve never felt more alive

[yagi @yducknow]

sometimes i wish jobs didn’t exist and that humans were free to just enjoy their existence on this planet.

[rune sword @runesword1]

if you walk slow in front of me you will get killed by my powers

[𝗫𝘆𝗻ᥫ᭡ @xynifyy]

hilarious that this animal exists

[Violet Heil @vivi_346]

i’ve lived this life on shrooms.

[𝗫𝘆𝗻ᥫ᭡ @xynifyy]

hilarious that this animal exists