Voodoo Chicken

I tell jokes and smoke hash... mostly the hash thing though.

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

These iPad pro ads are making me sad. Her laptop died on the plane! Is there no god?

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Pretty sure @FLOTUS is a shape-shifting lizard person whose wormlike larvae are ravaging @realDonaldTrump's brain. #JointAddress

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Doesn't matter what I say, long as I sing with inflection that makes you feel I'll convey some inner truth or vast reflection.
-Donald Trump

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Watching late night talk shows while stoned is getting weird.

HOST: An insane manbaby with zero credibility is our POTUS!
CROWD: Haha!!
ME:

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

I believe Trump can return this great country to what it once was: A barbaric hellscape ruled by giant lizards.

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

First Ann Donnelly, then Sally Yates. Trump hasn't been cock blocked this bad since he burst into a beauty pageant dressing room uninvited.

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

"Hey, hold my beer and watch me sign this executive order."

-Donald Trump

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Why does being great again suck so bad? #MakeAmericaAmericaAgain

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

If @realDonaldTrump can raise 20 billion I will believe he's an amazing businessman. Unless of course he uses that $ to build a stupid wall.

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Picture of Congressman John "All Talk No Action" Lewis taken back when America was great. Look at him just sitting there! Sad!

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Did @realDonaldTrump really say @repjohnlewis is all talk/no action? Someone needs to slap that gigantic phone out of his tiny little hands.

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Any one armed drummers out there interested in joining my 80's tribute band, Jeff Leppard?

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Okay fine, but if I pull up next to you and there is NOT a baby on board -you're going down motherfucker!

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Hunting with guns is not macho. Hunting with a chainsaw however is pretty badass. I can't argue with that.

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Three videos that autoplay on every page is not annoying at all @CNN. I am a maniac and my PC is powerful. I DARE you to crash my browser.

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

This is the greatest musical performance I have ever seen: https://t.co/3gAaYYyoOU Checkmate, @kanyewest

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

I'm so woke I scheduled an app to tweet this three weeks ago. #imsowoke @joerogan

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

No disrespect, but... what is Prince going to wear at his funeral? He wore 8" high heels and a purple cape just to get the morning paper.

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

Two thousand one six party over oops out of time.

[Voodoo Chicken @vuduchikin]

David Bowie, Glenn Frey, Keith Emerson, Merle Haggard, Prince... all dead. 2016 hates good music.