malady

born not bitten

[malady @vusevag]

getting the wurst of the brat

[malady @vusevag]

trying to drink my blue moon and shaboozy taking over the bar. i hate cma fest

[malady @vusevag]

actively getting ghosted and next to two seat belt extenders for a 3 hour flight

[malady @vusevag]

i’ve got to get a bike

[malady @vusevag]

i can’t believe i lived to see the downfall of gas stations. like wym it’s 12:53 and you’re not open??

[malady @vusevag]

@notlivibabyy 3 dollas to kidnap my twinny. what a deal!

[malady @vusevag]

walking around nyc with half a bacon egg and cheese in my baggu

[malady @vusevag]

@MikeHanick @zynaftersex how much?

[malady @vusevag]

grwm to go to the airport

[malady @vusevag]

it’s beer gut in my bikini summer

[malady @vusevag]

guys is this real

[malady @vusevag]

omg they’re sending me fan mail

[malady @vusevag]

in sephora deciding a body wash is worth an hour of my paycheck

[malady @vusevag]

in a world of protein, im fiber maxing

[malady @vusevag]

shaking ass to a lady who’s name is deadass ethel

[malady @vusevag]

don’t need to take my SSRI today cause of this

[malady @vusevag]

watched 15 mins of industry, had to pause and lock into my 401k payments

[malady @vusevag]

and much like my mother, i have a lady boner for mick jagger

[malady @vusevag]

@notlivibabyy i’m here waiting

[malady @vusevag]

happy friday yall

[malady @vusevag]

asked for a single salmon filet and the publix man said “just you?”