Me at the pearly gates: Heyyyy God
God: Hey girl so look it's really straightforward the one rule is you can never have read a fanfiction where folk rock duo simon and garfunkel get chloroformed by a maid then tied up and forcibly tickled thats literally it
Me: Ok Listen 🤦♀️
when i was 13 i left a comment on a glee fanfiction claiming it was better than the great gatsby & i do think every bad thing that has since happened to me is cosmic punishment