I love being in college because there are no actual adults around so everyone is just going around bullshitting their way through basic tasks. I can be like “I think Im not sick anymore because I ate an orange this morning” and everyone is like “Yeah makes sense”
drunk girls at bars: ok, listen britney, it is britney right? ok listen britney. you. are a GODDESS. you're too good for any man. I love you and your cute top
drunk guys at bars: did you just fuckin breathe on me? fuckin breathe on me again bro gimme a reason to knock you out