Warren Kluck

Obey your thirst.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

I like going to Waffle House, pretending that I can't decide what to order and then seeing how many fans of wordplay are at the table.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

U.S. power use will smash record highs as AI use surges. Man, it's times like these I'm glad our utility providers are so transparent and honest otherwise they could gouge us and make the working people carry the financial burden of a technology we're being forced to adopt!

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

The Department Of Agriculture has confirmed two new cases of the New World screwworm in Texas but says the nation’s food supply remains safe. I know it's hitting cattle, I won't have to be too concerned until it starts infecting the bologna herd.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

Flooding could impact over 88 million people across the central United States this week as severe storms target the Midwest and northern Plains. Go outside in Hey Dudes and a basketball jersey. Everything dries up real quick. At least I've been told it does at my house.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

A major study reveals remote work significantly increased isolation and mental distress after the pandemic shift to home offices. Turns out you were the worst coworker you had all along.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

A thief hit a Philadelphia warehouse on Friday, stealing 18 pallets containing 10,800 bottles of Noble Oak bourbon worth $500,000. Police are desperately trying to find the bourbon before it is hit with a splash of Coke by your rhubarb brother-in-law Stephen.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

Bob Packwood, the Oregon Senator who had to resign in 1995 amid a sex scandal passed away at 93. He will be remembered for having the worst name possible when trying to deny being involved in a sex scandal.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

Listening to Mellencamp’s “Rain On The Scarecrow” hits harder since my FarmVille shutdown 14 years ago. Probably a data center site now

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

New research reveals 85% of 12-16 boys have spoken to chatbots, and 25% prefer AI relationships to real ones. Man, look at how fast technology moves. Back in my day, we solo kings had to practice our sexy talk with the elementary school yearbook staff picture of Ms. Kendricks.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

Most people know if they want to see a first date again near the 19-minute mark of a date. Right about the time we have a couple of drinks and she utters the 11 words every man longs to hear: "Maybe we should each get our own order of mozzarella sticks?"

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

Crumbl is updating its menu to four seasonally updated classics, six weekly rotating flavors, and a rotating set of Thins. I'm gonna pass on the Thins, Crumbl, I am here for a 6 pack of Fats.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

Dunkin’ has rolled out its 42-ounce Iced Beverage Buckets across the country for a limited time. As a fat guy, serving things in a bucket reeks of appropriating my culture.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

I would be a lot more excited if #CarbDay involved unlimited baguettes.🥖

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

I haven’t graduated from anything since 1998. Grocery store sale on grad cakes is pushing me to toast myself again this year!

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

Baby Boomers represent 19% of TikTok users in the United States, challenging assumptions that the platform exclusively serves younger audiences. They do make up 100% of users with the speaker on FULL BLAST.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

73% of us rate the economy as poor. I don't know about that but I can say 2026 is probably the Summer I find out what all the hype about Scrapple is.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

The NFL has announced that Nashville, Tennessee, will host Super Bowl LXIV in 2030. Halftime show will be a drunk bride-to-be singing a karaoke rendition of "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" while her bridesmaid desperately tries to get her to drink some water.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

A new study finds women are twice as likely to feel connected rather than embarrassed when discussing bathroom habits. Oh, then I won't bother telling you that I sit reverse cowgirl for number two.

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

McGill University researchers found icing injured areas in mice roughly doubled pain recovery time, extending it from 9-20 days to 25-40 days. I have to ask....is it someone's job to hurt the mice or did they just put up a small pickleball court and let nature take it's course?

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

Tick bites are surging this year. I like when we go to a bonfire and my wife gets all concerned that I'm getting a tick. I've had 15 Busch Lights while inhaling birch smoke for three hours. You should be worried about the tick!

[Warren Kluck @warrenkluck]

Glutes have become the new trendy body part in men's muscle-building. Sadly for me they need to be filled with muscle not four and a half decades of an unhealthy relationship with food.