Wayne Dooley

The compleat wayno.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

Tacos are love letters in a corn envelope that you mail to your stomach.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

Jim: Congratulations on passing the bar! We have an opening at the firm, and I'd love to have you join us.
Bill: Thanks for the offer, Dad, but I'd rather chart my own path.
Jim: Here, take a look at our financials.
Bill: ...
Bill: I'M BILL ADLER, THE TEXAS HAMMER!

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

Kids today don't know how good they have it. When I was young, I had to walk nine feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

Some days I wish I were a Vulcan so I could mind merge with myself and remember why the heck I went to the garage in the first place.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

I'm at the age where my mind firmly believes I'm 31,
My humor suggests I'm 12,
And my body died sometime during the civil war.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

@RpsAgainstTrump @elonmusk @CommunityNotes Yes, but that doesn’t fit Elon’s skewed narrative.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

Well, that settles it. I’m definitely not voting for Biden.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

@BehizyTweets @TristanSnell Hush now

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

@grahamallen @JoeBiden No, he didn’t. Don’t be an asp.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

Well, that settles it. I’m never voting for Hunter Biden ever again.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

Some days life feels like a tornado, and I'm just a cow being spun around for cinematic effect.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

Got up at 5 this morning, did a 10k walk, came back and prepared a vegetable smoothie. I don't remember the rest of the dream...

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

Whoever put the ‘s’ in ‘fast food’ is a marketing genius.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

@StephenKing Honey Nut Cheerios, of course.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

@ananavarro Funny hearing cult45 followers trying to remedy his comments by saying he meant illegal immigrants. The old bigot said what he meant.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

He's making a database
He's SORTing it twice
SELECT * from contacts WHERE
behavior = 'nice'
SQL Clause is coming to town

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

If you don’t prosecute sedition, it becomes strategy.

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

Who else has '100 charges' on their Trump Bingo card?

[Wayne Dooley @wayno]

If you're ever lost in the wilds of south Texas, find either an armadillo or a possum and follow it. Soon enough, you'll be in the middle of a road.