Lizzie Simpson

Genzenniall, comediennema, low quality tweeter
she/her

click for nudes

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

Really glad I came out of twitter retirement for this

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

Walt Whitman be like

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

I was kicked out of the tortured poets department because all my poems were about crankin hog.

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

This is me now and I hate myself

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

"Nobody cares about comedy competitions"

Says person who does well in comedy competitions

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

@Tf_Wells He's big in personality

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

Keep thinking about how there's two different movies where Joan Cusack seduces a weird little guy for personal gain

[Sera Koulabdara @SeraKoulabdara]

YES

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

The "try not doing a 45 minute show, when you've barely got a decent 10 minutes" new comedian challenge HARD MODE

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

And now a really drunk guy who doesn't air out his clothes properly WHAT DID I DO

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

Today I was supposed to watch a recording of Taskmaster but my work decided this was a the moment to have "urgency"

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

I ended up doing a gig where I opened when I wanted to try new jokes and didn't do very well

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

There's nothing very funny about this situation, I'm sad, Im wondering who I can trust, a male comic friend of mine said "it wasn't really evidence" and I just want to scream

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

It should have occured to me that "female comedians aren't funny so we shouldn't believe them about sexual assault" is a common take on this platform, but it didn't, y'all need to get a fucking grip

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

"Hey we want this done till the end of the week"

Doesn't tell me about it until 3pm on Thursday.

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

Do I get a little bit of reassurance? As a treat?

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

In conclusion, just go to a karaoke bar, if you want to sing, just sing, you don't have to make it funny

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

Every woman with a performative streak has a desire to burst into "Part of Your World" from the Little Mermaid and she will find an excuse to, usually disguised as a bit

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

I've seen it multiple times on the circuit and I almost did it myself, wanting to rewrite the lyrics to be about trying to get out of Milton keynes, but bailed cause it wasn't funny enough

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

When I entered my 20s my ambitions included like, having my own place, being paid to write, being in love etc.

Now I'd be happy if I could convince my parents to get a bidet and an air fryer

[Lizzie Simpson @weakfemalenpc]

Um so like... does anyone think the irrational Sansa Stark hatred of 2013 - 2016 is gonna end up being projected onto Sophie Turner?