weezeebee

Don't take life so seriously ... seriously :)

[Larry The Cable Guy @GitRDoneLarry]

Hmm.. what’s happening here!! LolRT @ASoftstar: This is why I'm afraid to open those cans of biscuits...😐👇 https://t.co/8Wz19zzqZV

[Larry The Cable Guy @GitRDoneLarry]

You know your getting older when ya go to hooters and spend most of the time looking at the menu.

[Larry The Cable Guy @GitRDoneLarry]

We had a scare today. We found my my Grandma sitting in her recliner and she was unresponsive. Turns out she was just in airplane mode! (They’re not all funny but they’re coming frequently AND.. in a row!)

[Larry The Cable Guy @GitRDoneLarry]

Passed a strip club with them advertising their Buffett. Never once have I passed a strip club and thought “Gee.. I wonder what the soup of the day is?”

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

You could actually replace Boris Johnson with Gary Busey at any given time and no one would even notice.

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

GIRLFRIEND: You're very quiet. What are you thinking?

ME: Just one fart and the whole Trojan Horse plan would've failed.

HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'.

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

ME: I believe in science.

ALSO ME: There's a full moon and the wind is coming from the east. The bog witches are choosing their husbands.

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

ME: So where's your ex now?

FRIEND: She's abroad

ME: Ok Dave, it's not 1930, we say 'woman' now.

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

If she laughs at the fact you're color blind, then that's a serious...flag.

[FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud]

I may not be book smart, but at least the streets will remember me for not being smart there either.

[LaLaLyds @LaLa_Lyds]

Normalize to-don't lists

[KJ @IDontSpeakWhine]

"I'm not sure if you can pull that off" is just one of the sweet things that my teen says when I dress up.

[KJ @IDontSpeakWhine]

I was going to give up saying the word "fuck" for lent but then my mother-in-law said she was coming for a visit.

So fuck that.

[KJ @IDontSpeakWhine]

My son called out my daughter for not knowing which teams were playing in the Super Bowl and said that she's only showing up for the food. My daughter stared him down and said, "I honestly don't see the problem here" and slow blinked at him.

Anyway, she's my new life coach.

[KJ @IDontSpeakWhine]

No one is more disappointed that I'm eating a salad for dinner than my dog who just found a piece of lettuce I dropped on the floor.

[KJ @IDontSpeakWhine]

My idea of a super bowl begins with 5 scoops of ice cream.

[KJ @IDontSpeakWhine]

My son knocked on his crotch 3 times and announced, "The package is secure!" to prove that he was wearing his cup for his baseball game. Which honestly would have made me laugh had we not be sitting down to eat dinner.

[🇨🇦 Smokey 🇨🇦 @420iloveweed]

I just saw an unvaccinated person referring to unvaccinated people as "pure bloods", and now I really want to punch them in the throat.