Kali

loser, enabler

[Kali @weirdkal]

I enjoy the finer things in life like shitty beer and people who don't judge me for drinking it.

[Kali @weirdkal]

Me, talking to the attendant at the pearly gates for the third time in five days: I don’t know, Pete, I’m just really not feeling it this week.

[Kali @weirdkal]

A little bit of getting the fuck over yourself goes so far with others.

[Kali @weirdkal]

So, how bout them knicks?

[Kali @weirdkal]

@Shenaniglenns Y would u let them know?

[Kali @weirdkal]

I could go to hell just for sending the typos I fully clock, but blatantly disregard.

[Kali @weirdkal]

Sure, I love to save a buck, but please don’t feel the need to on my behalf.

[Kali @weirdkal]

Big Parma Cheese Co. ™️

[Kali @weirdkal]

Everyone hates to hear “I told you so”, but nobody ever wants to listen the first time I fucking said it.

[Kali @weirdkal]

The bricks with holes…. What are they DOING?

[Kali @weirdkal]

You can slide into my DM’s all you want… I don’t go there. Like ever. I am online to send a ridiculous amount of dm’s only to never, ever check my own.

[Kali @weirdkal]

Floating Fire™️

[Kali @weirdkal]

The way I have to gently coddle myself to get through the answer when describing my “type” of guy should have been the red flag.

[Kali @weirdkal]

I am almost 32 years of age and I just found out the little girl did not die in the beginning of The Lost World..

[Kali @weirdkal]

*in the air tonight playing*

me *speaking too loudly over the music*: oh, COOL! so he’s like a barometer?

[Kali @weirdkal]

*my first line on my first stand-up set*

so you’ve heard of a can opener right?

well, this is the opposite

[Kali @weirdkal]

*my first line on my first stand-up set*

so you’ve heard of a can opener right?

well, this is the opposite

[Kali @weirdkal]

I just thought about my dog dying and cried for 20 mins. Imagine. If she only knew her impact.

[Kali @weirdkal]

I’m gonna start flashing the finger sign for 4 at couples so they know I wish both of them peace.

[Kali @weirdkal]

this girl PM’d me and called me “weird and disrespectful”

um. so you HAVE seen my username and bio? .. or have you?

I feel seen.

[Kali @weirdkal]

It’s not “masculine energy”. I was raised by men so I don’t want to be in a relationship with a bitch.