There are photos in my phone that erode my trust and loosen my tether, I call them the mood destructors and they serve no purpose other than to shoot shrapnel directly into my brain upon contact
I used to love going to church as a kid because it was the first place I saw gory images and heard live music like do u not see how that could be life changing in a way that isn’t salvation based
my whole life I’ve felt like I’ve had to beg for collaboration and I’m not really sure why people like my work or so they say but it feels fucking impossible to find people who actually want to work with me and idk maybe I’m just too niche or impatient or something I’m not sure
I want to delete social media because it genuinely makes me hate myself but it’s the only way I know to promote what I do so 😋😋😋 gun in mouth emoticon 😋😋😋
And no it’s not that I do it for the recognition. But I like to work with others. I genuinely enjoy being of service. I enjoy collaborating. It seems I’m just an odd shaped puzzle piece, and that might just be all there is to it. It does make me want to cry sometimes though.
I’m probably being much too hard on myself because social media is a comparison machine but it is genuinely frustrating to see people do what I do and achieve 2x the success in half the time with seemingly half the effort.
if u are my friend of course this does not apply to you but I swear to god the weird petty unspoken animosity thing has not happened to me anywhere else I’ve been!!! the lack of oxygen in Denver Colorado is making you guys insane!!