Whed Teeler

This is not the Ted– I mean Whed– you're looking for.

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

I will, since I am not Ted Wheeler.

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

Killing children is never acceptable! Luckily my– I mean Ted's– friends at the PPB have definitely never done that before.

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

Noting to see her...just litTle avoCado tequila

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@PortlandPolice @PPBCentral If those shorts were any shorter, they'd be as long as the amount of time that I– I mean Ted– spent in town during the big heatwave!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

Oh come on! Can you really blame my– I mean Ted's– friends at the PPB for wanting a clubhouse closer to their homes?

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@PortlandPolice As hard of a time I– I mean Ted– gave them last summer, I am– I mean Ted is– ready to welcome these federal agents with open arms as they work with my– I mean his– friends at the PPB to intimidate Bad Protestors and stop Violence Against Property!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@tedwheeler Please, everyone! Come on down and visit the central city, which is the most important– I mean, only– part of Portland!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

The poll is obviously biased and false! They didn't even survey anyone from West Linn or Vancouver!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@tedwheeler @financebuzz And we would've made #1 but I kept– I mean Ted kept– ordering my– I mean his– friends at the PPB to destroy Portlanders' attempts at resourcefulness! What was I– I mean Ted– supposed to do? Stand up to the PPA?

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@bevb501c3 Libel! The only intolerance that I have– I mean Ted has– is for Violence Against Property!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@ChiefCLovell It is indeed great, Chief Lovell! These businesses are our citizens and we must listen to them first and foremost!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@tedwheeler If you are one of my– I mean Ted's– landlord friends who was counting on that money for a payment on your car collection, please reach out to me– I mean Ted– directly. I am– I mean he is– always happy to serve your interests!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

This is unacceptable behavior from Bad Protestors that will ruin my– I mean Ted's– Brand Image™!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

Bad Protestors are trying to remove me– I mean Ted– from a seat that I– I mean he– bought fair and square! Whatever you do, don't sign this petition!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@SamAdamsPDX @arstechnica And it was too much effort– I mean, "virtually impossible"– for me– I mean Ted– to do anything to help people through it, so there was really no point in bothering.

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@tedwheeler @trimet @PDXStreetcar @BIKETOWNpdx Be sure to make use of this amazing way to save money! If you save $6 on 25,000 bike trips, you could very well be on your way to becoming the next mayor of Portland!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@tedwheeler As in any case like this, my– I mean Ted’s thoughts and prayers first go to the property.

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

Many thanks to my– I mean Ted's– friends at the PPB for successfully resolving this issue! They are as skilled at defusing tense situations as their friends at the LAPD are at defusing illegal fireworks!

[PPB North Precinct @ppbnorth]

Every situation is different, but most calls with armed subjects in crisis end like this…peacefully.

If you want to learn more about PPB's volunteer ECIT program, check out a recent information release with stats: https://t.co/nXy2o0P0yw
(end)

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

Oh no, I forgot– I mean Ted forgot– that none of my– I mean his friends live in Portland!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

This mysterious recall effort is sure to fail! Last time I– I mean Ted– checked, he had the full support of all of my– I mean his– friends, which are numerous!

[Whed Teeler @whedteeler]

@tedwheeler It feels so great to start buying things again after such a long time away! Very excited to go to the Gucci store– I haven't– I mean Ted hasn't– made a major purchase of any sort since November!