WhiteHouse Squirrels

Friend to residents. Enemy of wires, reporters and cats.

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

Wait! Some of my nuts are gone... There must be a #gopdebate tonight.

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

Wat up bitches! been in a little offseason hibernation. But we're back! Vicious campaign commentary starts tomorrow! Be warned

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

. @browbeatslate u just have to ask yourself one question; what don't we know?

[Slate Culture @SlateCulture]

White House squirrels, what do they know? Tell us in this week's caption contest: http://t.co/5vSeSrqN

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

During Irene in a panic one of my wives ate one of my fifty babies. I will deeply mourn the passing of... whatshisname.

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

I don't have a stressful enough life. Not bad enough I live around secret service agents with guns, now I gotta worry about #earthquake s

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

I would like to welcome @DC_Earthquake to Twitter. Wait! No I wouldn't!!!

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

Everybody Freak Out!! #earthquake

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

My Jobs Plan: Swift, rigorous squirrel breeding programs.#winning #keynesianeconomics

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

Romney says corporations are people. By comparison squirrels are people too. Boom! Look who just got voting rights!

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

I know what theyre digging next to the white house. They're not installing anything. They found dinosaur bones. Duh.

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

@karon @sabl3t3k oh yes. oh god yes. what people dont know is the cables re a great source of... wait for it... fiber! zing!

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

Also not about 2 watch Perry do human sacrifices in the back yard. Give me Romney or Obama. Give me a person who Im not afraid 2 sleep near.

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

If u guys elect bachmann I'm out of here. I'm not about to wake up in the morning & see her standing over a deer with its throat torn out.

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

Warren Jeffs is definitely an asshole. But I've got 3 wives and 3 different families. They're all in different trees. There. Now u know.

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

Can't believe u guys are making a movie called, "Hunger Games". U don't even fucking know!

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

Srsly. Put the guns down, stop hunting my woodland friends and stop aiming for us when ur driving ur freedom trucks on rural roads.#tcot

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

Noticed alot of Tea Party followers. I'll follow u guys back if u can just get ur ppl to stop running my kind over with trucks & eating them

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

Going to get that damned walnut open if its the last thing I do. Fml.

[WhiteHouse Squirrels @whsquirrels]

I know all eyes are on #wirecall tonight but id like to recall the bastard who threw a walnut over the fence and laughed at me earlier today