jake, a restaurant guy

not entirely sure what’s happening tbh

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

I never use any of these apps so I’m sitting on five bsky invite codes if anyone wants one or knows someone who does

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

just saw a modelo commercial that shows two women making tortillas with “do not attempt” at the bottom of the screen

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

@MadScientistFF oh word sick

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

I’m concerned my dog has gone deaf. Alternately, she may have decided to not care about any words I say that are not “snacks”

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

@ecksor @broeyramone was he the trash can

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

@liesandperfidy A college friend of mine brought some back after studying abroad in China and we used it to prank people who thought we were doing a normal drink for normal people

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

@liesandperfidy Baiju: it’s terrible and your favorite bartender loves it

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

@the_tweedy “Knockers,” she boobed, breastily, cleavaging honkers tits-style, milkshake chestily nippling her rack.

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

Had almost forgotten that every year my Twitter feed turns into three tweets reacting to something terrible without specifying what it is and then six hundred tweets about, like, Mike Yastrzemski’s cat

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

Everyone is bad at easy puns is all I’m saying

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

The problem with NBA Twitter is people showing up to MVP threads with comments that are just “EmSuck” when “EmBad” is right there

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

“Tatum whatever could just Takum off the dribble”

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

@liesandperfidy When he split for Detroit from Denver for the exact same contract it bummed me out because I think Grant rules but there’s probably no player in the NBA not on the Nugs I want to see succeed more

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

@broeyramone How can you even tell that whole state is like “what if France but three of them”

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

Made a five spice simple (a recipe I’ve had in my bag forever), a ginger-peppercorn-marjoram shrub, and a cherry-tarragon-ume shrub and all of them are banging in case anyone thought I lost a step

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

@broeyramone What’s it called when you type out then delete a reply once to twice a month

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

That somehow managed to suck real bad and be extremely awesome

[jake, a restaurant guy @wildlypointless]

What the fuck just happened