When the Fairford plot fell apart before it had got going, I honestly thought that was the end of it. The whole thing was so stupid that the internet saw through our lies and we just gave up trying.
I mean our story was that âMiddle-Eastern-looking boysâ circled around a military base on high alert while the MoD ignored calls from the public, then blocked off a road with their vans until a plucky farmer chased them into the woods where they politely waited for 40 minutes for the police to arrive.
When social media users took the piss out of our script, the false flag was officially called off. The police released the lads on bail and said they were a bunch of British nationals with no explosives. Obviously, there was no way they wouldâve been let out if there was the slightest indication of terrorism. Therefore, we couldnât possibly change our minds again, or so I thought.
It turns out I was wrong. Andy Burnham is now saying there was evidence of Iranian involvement after allâjust not enough to detain the lads for the legally allowed 14 days.
If youâre confused about how we got to this point, let me explain. My sources tell me that after Trump and Rubio expressed concerns about the lads being released, they got on the phone and said: âAndy, youâre ruining our psy-op. We need to pretend they are terrorists so we can continue using Fairford to escalate against Iran.â
Iâve got no idea how we convince anyone now. All I know is that Burnham apologised for fucking things up and politely asked Mossad if he can have its assets back. The whole thing is a huge, uncoordinated mess.
To make matters worse, the Israelis are currently dealing with their latest botched false flag, involving a pretend hijacking of an airliner.
Poor Netanyahu has an electorate to manipulate and he needs that escalation against Iran before polling day. He angrily told Trump and Burnham to get their story straight if they donât want to face an âexploding smart phone incidentâ. Andy gulped and threw his iPhone in the bin.
To clarify, the official position is now that we think the lads are Iranian terrorists who tried to blow up a military base with no explosives, and they are free to try it againâŠ. Hold on, Iâm getting an update on WhatsAppâŠ
Weâre now saying it was actually a âdry runâ. The reason the lads drove around in circles and made themselves super-conspicuous was âpreparationâ. They had to get close to the base because itâs not like they could launch drones from tens of miles away. Just know that if they do launch drones, our media helpfully flew over the base and showed the locations of all the stealth bombers.
If our latest story was remotely true it would be hugely concerning, but luckily no oneâs worried because they all know this is a load of bollocks. I honestly donât know who weâre tying to kid here.
We're proud of the lifesaving work our volunteers do in the Channel â we make no apology for it. Those we rescue are vulnerable people in danger & distress. Each of them is someoneâs father, mother, son or daughter - every life is precious. This is why we launch:
WATCH: A humanoid robot training for the âRobot Olympicsâ in Beijing runs too fast, fails to stop, slams into a safety cushion, and breaks at the waist
The Uberisation of water must be stopped.
Profiting from scarcity in an essential of life is bad enough. But these companies helped create the scarcity.
đ° No major reservoir built since privatisation
đ§ 2.9 billion litres leaked every day
đïž Just one operational desalination plant
For 35+ years, theyâve sweated the assets instead of investing in them. Now they want us to pay even more for their failures.
Water is a common good, not a commodity.
Bring it back into public ownership.
Nothing represents âbusiness as usualâ and âneoliberalismâ quite like the oil industry: an extractive model that has generated trillions in profits while helping push the planet towards an increasingly uninhabitable future.
If the PM is serious about his stated ambitions, then allowing further extraction while the world quite literally burns would send the opposite message to the British public. It would suggest that, when confronted with the power and interests of the fossil fuel industry, those ambitions are negotiable.
If we believe oil still has a strategic role during the transition, then nationalise it and treat remaining reserves as a strategic national asset. Better still, leave as much of it in the ground as possible. But allowing new oil to be extracted and sold on international markets for billions in private profit, while doing little to lower UK household bills, is incompatible with any government claiming to be serious about the climate crisis, particularly if it wants to retain credibility on the international stage.
40C in London on Wednesday and a Red Heat Alert
As far as I know, nothing from the mayor or the government about mitigation - establishment of cool refuges, closing of schools etc
The approach seems to be to pretend it's just normal hot weather
It really isn't