Ivy

US 🦋 18
Ginger girlie | Replying DMs 🫶

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

Looking for a guy to rate my pussy. DM me rn 💕🍆

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

I lost 1000 bucks on the Puppy Bowl.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

Hot intern went skiing. I haven't seen him since last weekend. I'm dying. On the upside, I haven't had to read any of his shitty coverage.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

By the way, the Van Wilder tattoo is on his back. Which is pretty amazing. He told me my body was "totally dope." You had to be there.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

He didn't come in to work again. But he Tweeted about being "wicked hungover" from seeing something at UCB. Murder me now. Do it.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

I keep getting his voicemail, which is just a Jay-Z song. Did I mention he also has another tattoo? It's of Van Wilder. Yes that Van Wilder.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

My fat assistant has to know. He won't stop scowling at me. And he's dropped 3 of my calls. He keeps sniffling. "Allergies."

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

Spent the weekend together. Constant stream of stupidity. Then: he didn't show up to work today. Boss wants me to can him. I'm the WORST.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

I laughed because I thought it was a funny joke. He was serious. I told him we were a film company. He said, "Just an idea." Then we fucked.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

I told him this is a terrible idea as he undressed me. Then he pitched me a TV show like Lie To Me, but about a guy who can detect irony.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

Eating a burrito. He kissed me. Burrito breath. I drank punch from a bathtub. Thought, this isn't my life. Then he pulled me into bedroom.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

Left me talking to 22 year-old bros and beardos. Chicks with full sleeves. I thought just leaving. Then he came back really stoned.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

I paid. He wanted to go to his friends' party. So we did. It was in a one-bedroom in Koreatown. He disappeared for half hour on a beer run.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

So. Hot intern and I went to dinner Saturday night. He drank 6 beers during dinner. I had one glass of wine. He didn't even reach for check.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

My assistant is going to be so disappointed. He's going to know the minute I walk in. And he'll be judging me with those fat eyes. Jesus.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

Why would God or whoever make us like this? Such stupidity and frailty and weakness for those little muscles below the hip bones...

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

I licked his Kermit tattoo. The worst part is, I really meant it at the moment. I WANTED to lick that terrible thing.

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

Oh my. I did a horrible thing last night. And this morning. And today. This is bad...

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

Oh no. I'm going to do something really terrible tonight, I just know it. What have I started?

[Ivy @willugotolunch]

I just asked my assistant to make a lunch reservation for me and hot intern. He looked at me with such disappointment.