Windy👑

Blessed.

[Erling Haaland @Erling]

It followed me home 🦝🤣

[DelSavy ✨ @delcyn_savannah]

Every 3 or so years I remember the chokehold Chasing Red had on me. Peak Wattpad era fr

[keji baby peperempe♥️ @madamkeji]

I remember when I went to serve someone a letter and they locked me inside their compound and said I wasn’t leaving. I was an intern at a law firm, I wanted to cry😭😭

[OverSabi 🇳🇬 @korejay]

My baby is having my baby… for the 3rd and final time! 👀❤️

If you ever see another post like this in the future, just know your boy got caught slipping. 😂

Wifey said she wanted a maternity shoot, so I said, “Say less,” dusted off the camera, and came out of retirement for the day.

Watching our family grow has been the greatest blessing. Love this woman to the moon and back. ❤️

[Metropolitan @metrofive5]

Recreating a photo of you and your mom in 1997 with your daughter in 2026 is one thing, but the uncanny resemblance is just mind blowing 🤯 🥹❤️

[Reid Wilson @PoliticsReid]

This is the greatest tweet ever written. For the dad joke lover in all of us

[RC deWinter @RCdeWinter]

A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

* An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

* Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

* A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intents and purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

* Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

* A question mark walks into a bar?

* A non sequitur walks into a bar.
In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

* Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

* A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

* A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

* Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

* A synonym strolls into a tavern.

* At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

* A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

* Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

* A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

* An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

* The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

* A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

* The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

* A dyslexic walks into a bra.

* A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

* A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

* A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

* A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony .

– Jill Thomas Doyle

[Romzy @RomzyUnited]

🚨 Erling Haaland refuses to throw Sørloth under the bus after Norway's defeat to England. 🇳🇴

🗣️ Erling Haaland:

Alexander Sørloth is a great player and, more importantly, a very good friend of mine. Football is a game of decisions, and sometimes you make the right one, sometimes you don't.

People watching from home have time to slow everything down and analyse every angle, but on the pitch you have a split second to make a decision. That's football.

I'll never blame him for that moment because we've all been in those situations. Every player has made a decision they wish they could take back.

I'm proud of what we've achieved as a team. Reaching the World Cup quarter-finals was something very few people believed we could do before the tournament started.

We gave our country something to be proud of. We fought for every badge, every shirt and every supporter who believed in us.

Losing to England wasn't because of one pass or one missed opportunity. We created chances throughout the game. We had moments where we could have scored, and they had moments where they punished us.

That's football. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you never point fingers at one teammate. We win together, and we lose together.

I'll always stand by Alexander, just as I know he'd stand by me. That's what being teammates is all about.

We leave this tournament disappointed, but also proud. This is only the beginning for Norway, and we'll come back stronger.

[Brooda John @Nigeriangod_]

We just found out my neighbor who we thought has been missing since he told us he’s traveling for holiday to Togo is in jail for calling a woman Ashewo.

Apparently while on vacation at the hotel he was staying,an argument broke out between him and a lady and like how most Nigerian men call women “Ashewo” when they’ve no meaningful thing to say to her, this my neighbor called the lady “Ashewo” and the authority was called on him.

Calling a woman Ashewo is a criminal offense in TOGO if you can’t prove it that she’s an Ashewo and they treat all punishments the same in Togo and he was thrown into jail, he’s supposed to have resumed work and he’s serving a jail term in Togo.

That serves him right anyways

[𝗠𝘂𝗵𝗲𝗲 ♛ @muheediva01]

The wildest part about POVERTY is how much time it steals. Waiting for buses. Calling assistance offices. Comparing grocery prices. Fighting insurance. Sitting at laundromats. Being poor is a second job nobody pays you for.

[Tony D @tonydpoison]

That scroll to find your year of birth is becoming increasingly offensive smh

[World of Statistics @stats_feed]

2020 was 2020 days ago.

[ELLE/ZOLLO💐🏂 @Ezmalay1z]

My dbee girl tell me say I'm so corny...what edey mean? Osi mepɛ aburo anaa?🤣🤣🤣

[Mr. Láyí @layiwasabi]

Older!🎂

[❎e k ℹ️ @XekiHlongwane]

He even laughed @ himself 🤭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣

[I ❤️ RPF @ladyquads]

i’m cryinggggg jude is circling him and releasing calming pheromones

[ѕєиɪ @zalatwicc]

i said it's my favorite movie i didn't say it was good

[Nana Yaa Gaisie ✨🇬🇭 @NanaYaaGaisie]

Dear graduate, now is the time to apply for 2027 scholarships
September will be too late

Contact GaisieWrites for your application essays
0593924798

[Pelumi @Msliterarylover]

You guys have forgotten the way Akanna pampered Adanna?
Especially that chapter where he flew her to Dubai? And got her a Chanel bag.
Chaii, Akanna!! Such a wonderful soul.