Wings

thoughts + journaling + doodles

[ADHD Jesse @adhdjesse]

ADHD is thinking about all the things you have to do, getting stressed about all the things, worrying about the consequences of not doing all of the things, but feeling stuck and unable to do any of the things.

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

I miss drawing... I miss babby...

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

I wish a very Lego under your feet to anyone who does this to ao3 authors

Spoiler alert: this fic contains no flashbacks

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

Me to my fellow adhders: “be kind to yourself, you are trying your best”

Me to myself: “pathetic why u no do simple things, why u doomscroll, why u forgot, why u do nothing, why u why u”

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

@cloudthepuppy Merry (late) Xmas! 🎄

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

If I ever respond to comments or DMs slow or only heart replies, it isn’t a reflection on you, I’m either low on spoons or the content deserves a thoughtful reply that I need mental energy to compose 🙏 ❤️

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

@kamakurasbitch Music is great though because you can multitask haha (or I try to)

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

I’m waiting to find a preference or habit that doesn’t turn out to be self-medicating for dopamine (sugar, EDM music, plot twists, skin picking, fidgeting, drawing, daydreaming, doom scrolling, novelty seeking)

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

As a fan of plot twists, I always secretly hope that if fic readers choose to reread some of my stories, they’ll notice lines with a new meaning

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

@Kvail9 That is a good attitude to have ☺️

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

@nocosttooblue 🫂 I know how that be, being in more of a growth mindset can help

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

What is it called when everytime you draw you are convinced you can no longer draw

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

@wingneery Oh true, this too

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

@jenofiles 🥁 at least it’s not just us lol

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

@Kvail9 That’s great 💗 especially semi-controllable dopamine hehehe

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

@Kvail9 Hehehe that’s true, many are healthyish outlets ❤️

I just get an existential crisis sometimes realizing my habits come from faulty dopamine signaling, but it’s silly because of course I am a result of my genes and brain structure and environment 😭

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

@cloudthepuppy That’s a good one

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

@Kvail9 Drawing takes mental effort even if it something enjoyable 😔

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

Trying to draw while unmedicated

very struggle

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

Then it inevitably drops + you crash

This is why I have to be extra careful about new ideas when my meds are kicking in

I might just be convinced that I can compose music or start an asmr channel or open a bubble tea shop & many hours later ask myself wtf I have been doing

[Wings @wingsblahblah]

I think I figured out why the creative process goes This is ok > This is pretty awesome > This might be the best thing I’ve made! > No, it’s garbage > I am garbage > This is ok

It’s dopamine

Novelty dopamine from creating

The high makes everything feel like an epiphany, but—