man one of the most healing things i can do is just let myself feel a feeling, even a painful or disgusting one
i only feel safe enough to feel in complete solitude these days
i used to feel safe enough to feel on the tl. but i don't, really, anymore. i wonder if i will again
10 musical acts i've seen live
1. Lorde
2. Animals As Leaders
3. Lizzy McAlpine
4. DOMi & JD Beck
5. Black Sabbath
...
..... uh whoops i have only seen 5 musical acts live... and i call myself a musician
@silent_sabbath hmm, this is giving me a lot to think about
been pondering that there are infinite ways to use this site. some of the ways are so common, and i'm easily influenced by others and i engage in ways that i regret later
how did u come to this conclusion?
if what i need to be doing is creating.... THEN NOTHING ELSE WILL DO
seeking, consuming, being addicted to stuff, these are all fine things to engage in. but i will never find that which must be birthed through me
but forgiveness is the only way. so i'll find a way to.
i'm re-connecting with this intention. it broadcasts through time, all the way from those years ago, to reach me now. it cuts through the unimportant noise. like i knew it would
oct 2024 me was absolutely cooking when he emitted this pure clear intention
even though i have utterly lost my way countless times since. floundered. crashed out.
i still remember the power of this intention; how i *knew* it could carry me through any lostness
this is going to be such a big shift man.
this is going to be everything.
i am going to experience so much love flowing.
it's going to be how life should be.
i cry for the years it wasn't like this,
and i will cry more and more.
this isn't really a โi've come so farโ post. i'd love to post one of those. but in actuality, i feel i've regressed.
recently, i have been thinking back to just these past 12 months, and been finding it very hard to forgive myself, for how i've lived and acted and tweeted
ok. it seems every thing i try to post brings up sooooooooooo much pain and shame. so i am going to log off for tonight and try again tomorrow
gotta know when to hold em.......... know when to fold em
if i don't regularly express what i think and feel, i literally have no way to know what i think and feel
i am so sensitive i just absorb the thoughts and feelings of others and can't find my own anymore
well. there's one answer to what's stopping me. unconscious internalized self-disgust that makes me cry
i don't think i would have arrived at this conclusion without writing about it
oh the new limit is 50 posts per day. an insurmountable number. i try to post as much as i can and i do about ten on a good day and zero on most days
but also, there is no try. trying isn't doing. i'm gonna go for the post limit, and see what's really stopping me
this may be a difference, in the painful tears that keep me stagnant, vs the tears that release and give relief
believing in my self-disgust really really hurts, and if i feel into that, it hurts and can make me cry. but i'm now realizing, that's, kind of allowing self-abuse