jack 🤍

allowing my identity to be emergent, not prescriptive

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

man one of the most healing things i can do is just let myself feel a feeling, even a painful or disgusting one

i only feel safe enough to feel in complete solitude these days

i used to feel safe enough to feel on the tl. but i don't, really, anymore. i wonder if i will again

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

i try to take great care and reverence when reading my past journals

because it's a very intimate thing to read someone's journal, you know

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

@AsaWonders yesssss they are so insane !

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

10 musical acts i've seen live

1. Lorde
2. Animals As Leaders
3. Lizzy McAlpine
4. DOMi & JD Beck
5. Black Sabbath
...

..... uh whoops i have only seen 5 musical acts live... and i call myself a musician

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

@callanable yeaa my dad took me in like 2013, they rocked

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

@callanable hell yea u saw weezer ? blue album?

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

i'll need a very strong sense of self, for where i'm going

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

@silent_sabbath hmm, this is giving me a lot to think about

been pondering that there are infinite ways to use this site. some of the ways are so common, and i'm easily influenced by others and i engage in ways that i regret later

how did u come to this conclusion?

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

@callanable ur doing the right thing

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

@blueeyedocean yesss create!

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

if what i need to be doing is creating.... THEN NOTHING ELSE WILL DO

seeking, consuming, being addicted to stuff, these are all fine things to engage in. but i will never find that which must be birthed through me

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

but forgiveness is the only way. so i'll find a way to.

i'm re-connecting with this intention. it broadcasts through time, all the way from those years ago, to reach me now. it cuts through the unimportant noise. like i knew it would

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

oct 2024 me was absolutely cooking when he emitted this pure clear intention

even though i have utterly lost my way countless times since. floundered. crashed out.

i still remember the power of this intention; how i *knew* it could carry me through any lostness

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

this is going to be such a big shift man.

this is going to be everything.

i am going to experience so much love flowing.

it's going to be how life should be.

i cry for the years it wasn't like this,
and i will cry more and more.

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

this isn't really a “i've come so far” post. i'd love to post one of those. but in actuality, i feel i've regressed.

recently, i have been thinking back to just these past 12 months, and been finding it very hard to forgive myself, for how i've lived and acted and tweeted

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

just had some “floor time”. i'm actually still here, on the floor, if you can believe that

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

wow. any great women want to do me a quick favour

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

ok. it seems every thing i try to post brings up sooooooooooo much pain and shame. so i am going to log off for tonight and try again tomorrow

gotta know when to hold em.......... know when to fold em

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

if i don't regularly express what i think and feel, i literally have no way to know what i think and feel

i am so sensitive i just absorb the thoughts and feelings of others and can't find my own anymore

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

it's kind of hard to find a new thought, my default brain activity is resurfacing things i've read before

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

well. there's one answer to what's stopping me. unconscious internalized self-disgust that makes me cry

i don't think i would have arrived at this conclusion without writing about it

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

oh the new limit is 50 posts per day. an insurmountable number. i try to post as much as i can and i do about ten on a good day and zero on most days

but also, there is no try. trying isn't doing. i'm gonna go for the post limit, and see what's really stopping me

[jack 🤍 @winter___fall]

this may be a difference, in the painful tears that keep me stagnant, vs the tears that release and give relief

believing in my self-disgust really really hurts, and if i feel into that, it hurts and can make me cry. but i'm now realizing, that's, kind of allowing self-abuse