Twisted Wires

Here I hide

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

Every time I see a post from people who used to be friends it makes me a little sadder. I can't ask them why. I don't know that they'd say. I don't want to hear. I have been dumped, like so much trash, without a thought. #forgotten #leftbehind #trash #sadderthansad

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

I'm stuck on hold with @samaritans please answer. Need someone.

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

@samaritans wish you would use your bluesky account. It's so much nicer over there.
P.S. thanks for listening the last few weeks. I needed you.

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

Today I am not drinking. #sober I need to cut down and probably quit. I'm not ready to quit yet, but I will slow down and head toward the inevitable #quit

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

I've lost a day again. Yesterday does not exist in my consciousness #evaporated but not. Just...not. Yesterday was Friday. Today is Sunday. I'm not sure what or why. It has been a week. Therapy homework hurt my mentals. PIP review arrived and made me hurt. What if I fail? #fear

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

Had the beginning assessment with the local MH team. Was scared, terrified shaking. He was gentle, didn't push much, just asked some questions. I talked more than I expected, but it felt a bit manic, a bit all over the place. He was not put off by me saying I don't trust them.

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

It's today. My interrogation is today. #scared The mental health people will do don't even know what but I have no choice. I need help. I need SOMETHING. I freaked and #SelfHarm cutting bleeding. Didn't help as it usually does #terrified

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

I am incredibly sad. Weepy.
#mentallydone My interrogation is in 5 days and I am scared.
No meds for 3 days now and I can feel it. I have my knife close, just to hold #SelfHarm They will see me for who I am. They will see my desperate mind and, universe willing, they will help.

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

My assessment with local mental health is next week. I'm terrified they'll think I'm ok, terrified they'll know I'm not.
@haringeyiapt said eff u we can't help-too much #SelfHarm
4 months to get appt. Why so long if I really need it? Don't trust them, but I've nowhere else to go

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

This. Last night. Fuck life, the universe and everything. #mental #depression #lifehurts

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

#SelfHarm I may have cut in a place that has caused more than I needed. I am ignoring that for the moment because I need the pain. #Mentalillness #depression #whatisnecessary Maybe it will come good, maybe not. But right now the hurt is good.

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

Finally. Finally. I have an appointment with the Emotional Needs/Personality Disorder part of the mentals. I'm scared for this #SelfHarm to cope. I don't know what to expect. I was denied help before. This is my hope that I will find a way thru my darkness.

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

Drug conversation with my doc today. Dancing thru all the usual #MentalHealth issues, my #SelfHarm The reliance on meds. The insomnia that I can't get over. Waiting and waiting and waiting for help from the local mental health before I go back again.

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

I need more sleeping pills. Still awake. Not sleeping #insomnia Haven't been to bed before about 6/7am the morning after the night before. Not having fun. #brainbroken #drugsdontwork

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

My first knife of 2025…not seriously hospital like, but not how I wanted.

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

Got a call with my Doc tomorrow re latest drug increase. Has helped with my need to #SelfHarm but has taken my feelings away. I am vacant and distant and numb. Still haven't heard from the mental people. Frustrated.

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

Well, here we are. Next year. And yay me 🙄 I made it thru the end away from the hospital #nohelp I don't feel like me tho. My new med dose is making me flat. It's wrong. #mentalillness Maybe helping me not SH, but now I am numb. Now there is nothing #SelfHarm

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

It's a new year, although why that matters...I started thinking about my (former) friends and writing down what I would like to say, to know. A letter sent so I can say what I need...but it made me so very angry to be thinking on everything. I have stopped. I may not start again.

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

And I try not to let my darkness or my voices or the feeling that I just don't fucking matter tell me it's ok, a good thing, to pick up my knife. To watch my blood pour. To just feel. Something. And I hide. #lifeishard #SelfHarm Maybe next year. (2/2)

[Twisted Wires @wires_twisted]

There are 2 days til the end of one of my worst years since I began trying to deal with #depression I have not been helped as promised. @nlmhp_nhs told me it would take 3 months to get a referral after @haringeyiapt said I SH too much for them. So I wait. And I suffer. (1/2)