Witty Replies

Highlighting the very best, wittiest and sharpest replies to footballers, celebrities and others. If you get a retweet, you truly have a way with words.

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My first abuse, courtesy of @PeteMoore8. I am truly humbled - especially as the maestro used the age old comparison to an adolescent. #Wit

[Pete Moore @PeteMoore8]

@witty_replies on reflection I will unblock. Want to see if you get the book deal and see if you pass your GCSEs

[Witty Replies @witty_replies]

@PeteMoore8 Only 19 followers actually Peter.
51 days to compose such a tweet - those seconds, minutes, hours were truly well spent.

[Witty Replies @witty_replies]

And another from brain the same laureate. Clever, charming, well thought out and a lovely use of hashtag

“@Bulley99: Muslims #cunts”

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One word, so much emotion. Only the Lord knows where he dreamt up such wit.

“@Bulley99: @officialtulisa slut”

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He’s used his own gameshow name against him! How clever!!!!

“@NickCoulson: @richardosman Isn’t Pointless becoming a bit…. Er Pointless??”

[Witty Replies @witty_replies]

Flute. The worst instrument.

“@GazClarke1: @piersmorgan will ya go away you ya flute she’s nothing but a cunt! May she burn in hell!!”

[Witty Replies @witty_replies]

A cutting remark to make the subjects heart crumble to a million pieces

“@PeteMoore8: @piersmorgan I hope your ratings collapse, you wally”

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The clever way the i’s from one word blend into the other-stunning

“@BanuThatsMyName: @piersmorgan u arrrogranft selfsh britiish cunt”

[Witty Replies @witty_replies]

He purveys so much emotion, in just 8, short words. Wonderfully written

“@leesullivan07: @Lord_Sugar sit on my face you wrinkle old cunt”

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This should be in a bday card:

“@liamje28: @Lord_Sugar if there was a cunt competition u would cum 2nd and u no y not 1st coz your a cunt”

[Witty Replies @witty_replies]

“Shitcunt” is the most eloquent of phrases. When neither ‘shit’ nor ‘cunt’ will do.

“@richthehobbit: @piersmorgan you are a shitcunt twat”

[Witty Replies @witty_replies]

A beautiful use of the verb “dicked” - it’s doesn’t work in this context, but it’s still poetic

“@ieashia_hardy: @joey7barton is a dicked”

[Witty Replies @witty_replies]

Comedy writing at its VERY finest

“@swinnythekid: @RobbieSavage8 what’s the award ? Worlds biggest Cunt ?”

[Witty Replies @witty_replies]

A lovely use of the English language

“@grahamliddell15: “@Joey7Barton: Bieber + Anne Frank = Knobhead”. U suck knobheads”