aly

I can never find my phone

[aly @wittysometimes]

10pm me: I’m tired let’s go to bed
*gets in bed*
Midnight me: I wonder what my childhood house looks like now

[aly @wittysometimes]

They should put encouraging lines on colonoscopy prep bottles like they do on those giant water bottles.

[aly @wittysometimes]

Can I just come on here and say @210HBW is the WORST. I have wasted HOURS of my life on hold over the past 4.5 months. #neveragain

[aly @wittysometimes]

Turns out you can get very different results when searching for Christmas gifts for your toddler with one letter typos. For instance: Jungle Gyn. Monkey bats.

[aly @wittysometimes]

We’re all gonna light sage on #NYE instead of fireworks right?

[aly @wittysometimes]

Not sure if letting the 2.5YO watch @TheHobbitMovie is a great idea but he’s sitting quietly and watching it so I’ll take it as a W.

[aly @wittysometimes]

@TheBertShow

[aly @wittysometimes]

Do people realize “MeWe” sounds a lot like “Wee wee”?

[aly @wittysometimes]

When a #GenZ says “bet” - my brain literally tells me the next thing I should say is “how much?”

[aly @wittysometimes]

Husband: Should we start a new show to watch?
Me: Sure, what do you wanna watch?
H: idk.
M: ok.

*turns on @theofficetv instead*

[aly @wittysometimes]

When you’re watching Jumanji and your kid is upstairs “napping” but is actually kicking his headboard and it sounds eerily similar to the drums from the movie

[aly @wittysometimes]

I recently discovered I could listen to my fave FL radio station (97x) through my Echo. I also recently discovered I forget that I do this and get excited when I hear a @Wawa commercial thinking they’re in GA now.

[aly @wittysometimes]

Done. I’m done. I asked for one thing. ONE THING ATLANTA. ONE. FREAKING THING.

[aly @wittysometimes]

Imgonnathrowup

[aly @wittysometimes]

My stomach hurts

[aly @wittysometimes]

Nobody cares anymore about high-PatrickDempseys HR where he injured himself celebrating afterwards 🙃

[aly @wittysometimes]

ThIs iS tHeIr BeSt ChAnCe To ScOrE

[aly @wittysometimes]

TV has officially been muted. I just can’t take the crappy commentating anymore.

[aly @wittysometimes]

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