Elizabeth Wolf

Respect dibs. Keep your shoes on. No crying in the club*. *the world is your club

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

Apparently you aren’t supposed to say “ooh kinky” in class when you find out that male salamanders bite females in courtship 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

@justphysicaI

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

@justphysicaI Okay you know I don’t love fords but Barry looks good after his hair cut

[Gail Walden @GailWalden6]

I am not sick but I am prepared to die

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

@AshleeEickholt He has good taste

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

I’m going to have to ask everyone who saw me eating pizza and mashed potatoes with a bar spoon at the red lights to mind ya damn business

[Midwest vs. The Rest @midwestern_ope]

*how to drive after 2 inches of snow*

South: pretend like you’re driving grandma to church and she’s holding a full pot of gravy with a platter of biscuits and sweet tea in the back seat.

Midwest: HOLD ON TIGHT GRAMMA WE’RE DRIFTING THIS 4-WAY!

[Katie @KMWarchol]

How to tell a glass is made in Toledo (sound on)

@Toledo_Tweets

[Dolly Parton @DollyParton]

The bigger the hair the bigger the…hoops. Well what did you think I was going to say?

[Midwest vs. The Rest @midwestern_ope]

Midwest Thanksgiving:
⊂_ヽ
　 ＼＼ ope, excuse me
　　 ＼( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
　　　 >　⌒ヽ
　　　/ 　 へ＼
　　 /　　/　＼＼just gonna sneak
　　 ﾚ　ノ　　 ヽ_つ
　　/　/
　 /　/|
　(　(ヽ
　|　|、＼right by ya
　| 丿 ＼ ⌒)
　| |　　) /
ノ )　　Lﾉ
(_) and grab some stuffing

[emotional support creampie @FeelingFisky]

do you actually want that additional piercing / tattoo or are you just feeling emotionally unstable

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

Am I eating crunchy ramen rn? Mmmmyeah
Did I sleep with someone I probably shouldn’t’ve? Mmmmmyeah
Do I regret anything? Mmmmmmmyeah

[The Ellen Show @TheEllenShow]

You all love it. It’s almost time. @AndyLassner’s annual trip through a haunted house. Here’s a look at years past. @MsSarahPaulson @ArianaGrande @chrissyteigen @ericstonestreet @iamjeanniek

[earl grey luvr @justphysicaI]

yall really are in college not knowing what “reply all” means

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

I’m not even looking for the one, I’m looking for the one who doesn’t annoy the crap out of me. If you know where they are lmk

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

Am I a child? Yes
Did I just eat hotdogs and spaghetti? Yes
Did I take the time to individually thread the spaghetti through the hotdog pieces? Yes
Do I regret any of it? No

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

@justphysicaI I’m not wrong

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

I just shook flour off my shirt from making pecan shortbread cookies. Am I secretly a 50s housewife?

[Elizabeth Wolf @wolfcub004]

Having no real decorations besides alcohol bottles and gaming consoles
Toilet seat permanently up
Having bedroom curtains wide open on the first floor
#justsinglemanapartmentthings