Jake 🐺

[You Know Who @MuskTillDawn]

People are dragging him for walking in with his finger on the trigger but you have to understand that he’s trained to do that when he sees children

[Philly Sports Sufferer @mccrystal_alex]

The Mets gave up a devastating 3 run homer and the broadcast cuts to Norwegian fans having the time of their life and dancing

LOLMETS

[ирис @saltwatermp3]

I think Charlie kirk was reincarnated as a fruit fly and just drowned himself in my beer

[Will Sennett @Senn_Spud]

Bobby Oppenheimer get your country ass over here my momma says you been in the city Inventing a bomb as big as a damn bus

[erin 𓆱 @btwntwinpeaks]

(hank hill rubbing his little butt) they don’t call her peggy for nothin’

[turbomander @turbomander]

*necromancer having a bad day watching his skeleton army*
necromancer: faster, you useless piles of bones! move faster!
his second in command general skeletrex: sorry boss, but these here infernal machines weight a skelly-ton!
necromancer: *smiles* i needed that today, skeletrex

[Libriscent @libriscent]

You guys ever think about how there's random people out there who have a story about the weirdest person they've ever encountered and it's you

[liv 🥂 @livvidaloca]

a beautiful woman named National Weather Service keeps hitting my line about ⚠️ TORNADO WARNING

[Jake 🐺 @wolfjake95]

🚨: Sam Altman should stfu

[Curiosity @CuriosityonX]

🚨: Sam altman says people may soon have to pay metered bills for ai just like electricity and water

[josh @joshypooper]

you’re laughing. i told you a joke and you’re laughing. i love you

[ʇuᴉɐS📍 @saint_cloudy]

“Okay I drew two Dalmatians. Are we set?”

“Brother, not even close.”

[Morale Supply Co.™ @moralesupplyco]

me thinking last night’s walkoff was going to inspire a cubs win streak

[trash jones @jzux]

me when my friends are having a bad day: that’s your anxiety talking. i promise it won’t always feel like this and I love you no matter what

me when i have a bad day: this time i have finally realized the Truth. that i am bad and my life will never get better

[Cher @cher]

Whats going on with mycareer

[latke @latkedelrey]

i am at the part in the hero’s journey where everyone starts beating the hero with hammers