Marsh

[Davor Vitković @DavorVitkovic]

So Jaylen Brown didn't wanna be Robin in Boston. Now he will be Alfred in Philly

[Tyrese Haliburton @Hali]

Alex Pretti was murdered.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Mike Golic Jr @mikegolicjr]

the New Pope says he's from Chicago but he's *actually* from Naperville

[MNMuse @_MNMuse]

Ant and Jaden Tonight

[- Gadget Plug 🔌 @OlayinkaSuraj]

See how no one is trying to explain Drake’s songs, everybody be enjoying it.

[Bill Simmons @BillSimmons]

Historic run for Glen Taylor: 30 years, but only 2 seasons with a playoff series win. Plus, no NBA Finals appearances, a huge scandal (Joe Smith), a slew of truly horrible trades/signings/hirings, and in the end, he couldn’t even sell the T-Wolves correctly. He’ll be missed.

[Anthony @omgitsbirdman]

Thank you Kendrick Lamar! For years I have been paralyzed stuck in a wheel chair. But when u started performing at the halftime show I gained the strength to get up and turn that trash ass music off! Thank you Mr. Lamar for all you do for the disabled community!

[Geiger Capital @Geiger_Capital]

Drake watching Kendrick put on one of the worst Super Bowl halftime shows in history

[Josh Cobb @joshcobbler_]

I love when Ant is fired up & yells profanities to the Eden Prairie residents in the courtside seats

[c a r r i e @discountgourds]

did my dog tweet this

[DreGreenlawFanPage @Realest49erFan]

Mfs bouta be like “I wanna see Brock do it without Jennings”

[MorrisMuse @MorrisSrMuse]

Kendrick Lamar without the Drake stimulus

[guy online @fellawhomstdve]

remember when you had to pretend that Everything Everywhere All At Once was a cinematic triumph or someone from here would come to your house and kill you

[Carter @CurlyMcNulty]

She makes my girlfriend happy and that makes me happy

[Niko @nikotaughtyou]

Yeah, this one hits SO DIFFERENT.

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Lebron and Steph heading back to their mediocre teams to fight for a play-in spot

https://t.co/ZCJLbazyoX

[Barflaan Tedoe 🇱🇷 @The_Barftender]

WOLVES FINALLY GOT A CHRISTMAS GAME

we used to pray for times like this

[YNW Mel Blanc @EricTrillman_]

Bron and Steph up there with the 9/11 firefighters after this

[Team USA @TeamUSA]

The matchup we didn't know we needed! 😂

It's @theantedwards_ vs. @usatabletennis.

📺: @NBCOlympics & @peacock

#ParisOlympics | #OpeningCeremony